0601 Female Led Relationships: Chastity, Burnout & Real Life: Our FLR Through the Chaos

Hey, it’s Krystine — and yes, we’re back. This episode is raw, real, and long overdue. I sat down with my subbie to walk through everything that’s happened over the past year — from living in our skoolie, caregiving, work chaos, burnout, and what that’s meant for our Female-Led Relationship.

Spoiler: The cage isn’t on right now… but our connection is stronger than ever.

If you’ve ever felt like life has punched your FLR in the face — or like you’re barely holding it together while still trying to lead — this episode is for you.

What You’ll Hear:

• Why our FLR didn’t die when our life got chaotic — it just evolved.
• What it’s like living in a bus during a Minnesota winter (hint: cold AF).
• Our honest struggles with chastity and why it’s not always on.
• Hormones, exhaustion, and the real side of low-libido leadership.
• How small rituals and touch have become the glue in our dynamic.

Key Takeaways

• Chastity doesn’t define an FLR. We’re still deeply connected even when the cage isn’t locked.
• Intimacy shifts. The sex may slow down, but touch, presence, and intention can deepen.
• Being a Domme through burnout is hard. Leadership doesn’t always look like heels and whips — sometimes it’s just surviving.
• Submissive consistency is sexy. Even in chaos, his effort to serve makes a difference.
• This podcast isn’t porn — it’s real life. And real life isn’t always tidy or sexy or easy.

Resources & Extras

• Reflection Worksheet: “How to Lead Through Life’s Shitstorms” (Only on Patreon)
• Companion Blog Post: “What Happens When the Cage Comes Off… But the Connection Stays” (KrystineKellogg.com)

Transcript

0:00

Let me get all the cream cheese wonton out of my mouth here real quick and wash her down with a little more caffeine that I don't need at 8 p.m. And that will start the podcast. You still got it. We've got 30 minutes to explain all the shit. Welcome back. Hi. I love you. I love you too. How come they didn't ask me if we wanted fried rice? That's a good question. Well, here we are. Okay. We are in the studio. We do still have the studio. Yeah. We are currently eating supper. Yep. At the time of this recording, it is 824 and we are just now eating supper. Well, if you're in New York, this is prime supper time from what I understand. Yeah. But we're eating Chinese food from the... Not with chopsticks either. No, with plastic forks because we're bougie. We're Midwesterners. Yep. It's delightful. I said that in a hot minute. So you get to listen to us eat and watch us, I guess also, while we tell you about where the fuck we've been. Yeah. This is one giant housekeeping. Yep. Basically, right? We're going to preface it to, we're not going to talk about anything that we're going to do. Nope. We're just going to tell you where we've been. Yep. And hope for the best. Yep. I got shrimp lo mein in case anybody's invested in or has a beater cake, I guess. General's chicken here. The shrimp lo mein is fucking delicious. Is it? Good. Good. So let's circle all the way back to about this time last year. Do you think anybody's going to have a problem with us talking with our mouths full? Don't listen. You're along for the ride. I'm sorry. I will try to make a clean version of this, I guess. I don't know. Fuck it. Circling all the way back about this time last year, we were in Florida in our bus. No, this is not going to be Christine's camping podcast, but some of that comes into play. I do love my bus. We were in our bus. We're still in our bus, by the way. Yes, we are in Minnesota. And it's January. And we're winning. We are winning. So we're in Florida and we are at a work camping job and doing wonderfully until February where I got a call. We got a call that my mom had taken a fall and she was in the hospital. My mom, in short for those who are new, has dementia, pretty advanced stages of dementia. And she's in memory care and pretty frail, but stable. Now she's stable. This time last year, not so much. They told us they didn't even know if we were going to make it back while she was still alive. Right. So this was late, mid to late February. We got the call January 31st. I think we got back the first couple of days. Okay. So yeah, early February, I guess. It just started to get nice in Florida after it snowed. So we get back and we land at some relative's land, basically. And we hunker down for the February freeze. It was so fucking cold. Negative 25 Fahrenheit in a bus. Let's keep in mind, we did come from Florida. Mm-hmm. Born and raised in Minnesota. But the previous winter, we also were not here. Well, we forgot to empty our gray tanks. Yep. So they froze on the way back. Thankfully, we filled up with diesel in Iowa. Yep. Or Minnesota. So we had treated diesel. Southern Minnesota, I think it was. All things you don't think about when there's panic. Yep. But... So we hunker down. In a bus that wasn't ready for winter. No, not really. We didn't really have any plans to be in a winter in the bus for years, probably. Mm-hmm. But here we are. And... It's kicking ass this year for anybody that wants to know. Yeah, it really is. We had been hired on for the season at a campground in Minnesota. And that started... April 15th. That started in April. So we filled that little gap between February and April with odd jobs. And she worked at Harbor Freight. And then April came. And that's basically when we got this studio, was also in April. That one? Yep. So... It's now January, in case anybody was still keeping track. Yeah. So we get the studio. We have all these big plans and all the things. And then full-time work hits. Mm-hmm. And putting out metaphorical fires constantly. Mm-hmm. All of 2025, basically. Mm-hmm. Right? Pretty much. The podcast, if you hadn't noticed, took a back seat for most of 2025. With the exception of releasing back catalog episodes because our podcast hosts had deleted three years of podcasts. So that's what I've been doing in the background. And I will continue to do that through 2026 now. That's one plan that I can say, because that's pretty low impact, right? That really kind of catches you up to where we're at right now, right? There's probably some stories from 2025 that kind of come into play. We went to the beet harvest in North Dakota. Fucking longest beet harvest ever. It was awful. More on that. If you want, email us. We're happy to talk about it. But other than that, here we are now. Mm-hmm. Really. Do you want to talk about the status of our relationship through 2025? Why do you think people care about that? That's kind of why they tune in. Oh, well, let me preface everything I'm going to say with, on a daily basis, we spend about three hours, one of us or both of us, usually both of us, because we're clinging in a vehicle, taking a trip to see his mom at the assisted living, well, memory care facility she's at. Mm-hmm. We have tried and we are still actively trying or considering moving her closer. At this stage, we don't know if it's better or worse for her to do these things or to move her. So the campground that we were working at is currently where we are staying. That's where the bus is parked, but we are not working. We're just staying. I have picked up a part-time job. It's a motherfucking nightmare. Mm-hmm. So I'm working, when I say part-time, I work every day for about six hours, right in the middle of the fucking day. Mm-hmm. So for the most part, and he's been picking up to work here and there. So working and then going to see his mom does not leave a lot of time for us. He is off and on participating in chastity. The cage has been quite frustrating lately. Yes. I mean, probably more frustrating than it has ever been in the past. We did take quite a break from it. Mm-hmm. And I don't know if his tiny member is like, fuck off. We're not putting that back on me. We need to- Sorry. Yeah, you just focus on shoveling her in, would you? Okay. We- My two cents after this. Nobody wants to hear your two cents. It's my fucking podcast. Apparently they do because- Apparently they do. Anyway. It's been requested that I'm on the episodes as well. It's been requested. Back at the ranch. His two cents will come, unlike him. But we are currently- Well done. Not caged. However- Right at this moment. Right. We have tried. So like, for example, this morning he was caged. We walked on the treadmill. We walked a mile and a half on the treadmill. Cage stayed firmly in place. Walking to the shower at the gym, that was just too fucking much. That's just unacceptable, yeah. So off it came. I, of course, hope it was painful. I do giggle a little when a ball escapes, but no cage currently. Right. We are exhausted a good portion of the time. The bus has been an adventure. One of our diesel heaters puked and he brought it back to life, but that's very time consuming. So keeping the bus warm is a task in itself. So all of this to be said that we are working with about 15 minutes before bed, really. We are actively in a female-led relationship. It's very different than what it did when we were in our house. And it has pretty much since we moved out of our house. It has ebbed and flowed. We say that all the time. We've gone through many seasons. I will say right now, this is probably maybe not my favorite season. My favorite season would be in the beginning when we first started this, when we first started and we first started chastity and things like that. But this is probably a close second or it could be my favorite just because I'm far more competent or I'm gaining more confidence. I don't know what the change in that is, but I think I would attribute it to something that we have implemented that we've been doing for about the past six months is bedtime. It's not affirmations. What is it called? Like a ritual. Yes. There's another word for it, but it's a ritual. Yes. It's not a serenade, but that comes to mind. I mean, you don't sing to me. He just says at the end of the night how devoted he is to me. How much he loves me. And he mentions things about me specifically that he appreciates. Sometimes it's like physical things that he appreciates sometimes. Sometimes because I'm having a stroke. It's as simple as just his appreciation for the things that I do on a day to day. This February will be a year of almost daily, very other than the beet harvest daily trips, three hours of our day in the vehicle to spend a half hour, 45 minutes to an hour with his mom. It maybe doesn't seem like a lot until you add in like, especially this summer, a full day of work and then trying to have supper. I'm currently homeschooling. So we have all of that added to it as well. I would say, where would you, well, do you, when you chew your food, where would you say we are on like an FLR scale of the duration of our relationship? Right. Like on a scale of one to 10, 10 being, we are so deep in it. Like the deepest we've ever been to one. We're like not doing shit. Where would you say we're at right now? Let me cleanse my palate. I would say if we go the last 365 days, whatever the last, the last year. Okay. Oh, you're just doing the last year. Well, I'm just as a comparison. And it probably could go further back. We'll say since maybe, maybe since we left in 22. Okay. That winter we stayed in an apartment in Wabasha that year. I'm sorry, the winter we left in 23. Yep. We left in, yep. Because there was a peak. There was an absolute peak in the apartment in the winter of 22, 23. That was, there was a peak there. We had another studio at the time. In our apartment. Yep. And we were active. Yes. Like physical, physically active, FLR related. And that's probably the highest that like that was the crescendo. Yep. Right. Cause everything. That's interesting. I think I would want to go back and change mine. I think we were probably even more active in the apartment. Yes. I would agree with that. Good memory. Yep. Um, because we were building really up until then, right. Um, but then because we didn't have a door on our bedroom in the house. Oh yeah. We got a door in game on and we had a door at the apartment. So that was kind of a Christian. That was a pinnacle, you know, like a peak of, of probably what we had done to that point. And since then it, it kind of planed off. It really did. I mean, there were peaks and valleys. It was still up and down or whatever, but, um, not quite as high as that. I would say that probably not to the physical point. It's different now. It's just different. Because I am, I feel and just thoroughly enjoy and, and just exist in my submissive role. Which is interesting because you don't majority of the time have a cage on. Right. But that's indicative. Like you don't have to have one to have the other it's, it's up here. Right. But that sure reinforces this up here. A hundred percent. Yeah. Like when we were very, very active with chastity, I could tell that shift. Yeah. And now I can see that shift even without that being on, I guess is an observation that I'm making. Okay. Continue. Yep. No, that's a hundred percent true. So, but I think, I think it's more that I'm being intentional, right? It's front of mind. It really is. Um, you are front of mind versus I got to do this and I have to be there and I have to do this and I got to do this and this is doing all the things, right? Yep. I'm putting you ahead of all the bullshit, right? The bullshit will settle itself out. You are the priority, right? So that's my mindset right now and I'm just trying to be encouraging or supportive or whatever to, it's not like to give you permission thing, but to, and not even a remind you thing necessarily, but just, uh. You're very encouraging. Right. Like we're still here, right? We're still here. We're doing this. You know, we are the biggest proponents of, you don't have to have, you know, the million dollar house and you know, the, the Lexus is in the fucking whatever, all the expensive stuff. You don't, this is not a, uh, there's not like a demographic for this. Yeah. It's, it's a relationship. Being in a national park will be free. You don't have to have money. Oh, absolutely. You can live in a van down by the river. Or a bus. Or a bus or, you know, or in the suburbs or in a mobile home, or it could be a million dollar house or a boat. I mean, it could, your, your place of residence has nothing to do, I feel. Or financial status. Or financial status has nothing to do with this, right? This exists, should exist no matter what, because it's up here and it's up, it's in here, right? It's in your boobies. It is, yes. So that's where I feel. So to answer your question, probably. Like from five minutes ago. Yeah. I would say we're at maybe a seven or eight, maybe. Yeah, I would agree. I think too. I mean, here's one thing he's facing that he maybe wasn't facing before is I'm older now. And what are you giggling at? She's not that old. I'm not that old, but I do think that there are some hormone changes going. I think, I know I'm not alone, but I do really feel alone. And I've tried to do the things to try to spark that aspect back up. He does very well at encouraging me. He does very well at making me feel sexy, even when I feel like a bloated pig. So, I mean, I think that's the biggest difference in why our dynamic has shifted the way it has, is that I think hormonally, I have changed a little bit. I think I need to, before maybe it came more naturally, and now I feel like I have to be more intentional to get myself in that mood. Like I have to, it's almost like getting my ass out of the bed in the morning to go walk on the treadmill. I have to be intentional about it. I have to do things that I know are going to encourage that reaction, but I don't know that intimacy necessarily is, I mean, it's not an issue. Are we lacking traditional intimacy? Yes. Probably traditional. Traditional, maybe. Yes. I would say that we still have, we're very intimate together. Like we're very touchy. Like at night when we go to bed, like I am all up on his shit. He's the best body pillow on the face of the planet. I'm the little spoon. As he should be, because I'm the boss bitch. Mm-hmm. So that's kind of where we're at. And I think, like I said, I know I'm not the only one that's battling with hormonal changes. And do I think that I'm menopausal? Probably not yet. I feel like I'm a little young for that. I don't know, I don't really have any contact with my mom, so I can't ask her those questions. So I don't know hereditarily, is that a word? Hereditarily? Go with it. All right then. Hereditarily, if now is a time that I should start experiencing this, or if I am actually menopausal, if it's perimenopause, shit, I don't know the things, right? I just know how I feel. And I know that sometimes I don't feel very good and it can be a bit of a roller coaster. I'm at the age where I could be starting. I've been at the age that I could be starting for a long time. And I think, you know, once all the old podcast episodes get out, I'm sure I've talked about this multiple times about how I just feel like my hormones are out of whack. So maybe I've been this way for a long time. I don't know. I will say I'm currently functioning and it's Shark Week. Normally, I am not dysfunctioning during Shark Week, so we're winning. Functioning as far as? Well, I don't feel like I want to bust out crying. I don't know how many podcast episodes I did during Shark Week where I was like, I fucking could keep it together. And I know you guys probably don't care to know when I'm menstruating, but fucking tune in. Here we go. I mean, that's part of this. Right. This isn't a porn. This isn't, you know, best case scenario all the time, you know, and you've said yourself, we've said, you've said more of it than I have. Take the sex out of it. Yeah, for sure. And we've taken the sex out of it. We certainly have. And that's okay, right? Because I feel that the sex is not part of this, right? There are some sexual things, part of it. We call them sprinkles, right? Shout out. Yep. Right. So, but intercourse isn't necessarily part of NFLR. It sure could be. We literally, we literally just had this conversation too. Like when we were in the house, we felt the need to do more PIV. We call it plugging in. Yeah. Because we needed that connection because like he was gone working all day and whatever. And it was just like our time to like really reconnect and whatever. But now like we almost live a retired lifestyle. So only without the retirement plan. So we're poor. No, what I'm saying, what am I? But that's okay. Whatever. I mean, we live in a bus. We can't be rich, right? The whole point of that saying is we're together like all the time. The only time we're not together is very rarely when we're, I mean, in the summer, we pretty much work together kind of, but we spend a lot of fucking time together. I still, to this day, have not wanted to put a pillow on his face, which is kind of fun, but well, I got to know when to stop. We have a safe word. What if you pass out? Well, you'll know when I stopped moving. Do I punch you to wake you up? Punch you in the balls? Yeah, I was going to say, it depends on where you punch me. Okay. ADD is still very prominent in our dynamic, but we're together a lot and we have different ways that we reconnect now than that. Absolutely. And that is just being intentional about things, but it's not like sitting down and writing something or a plan or anything. It's just being mindful of the other person and we are mindful of each other. However, there is nothing wrong about sitting down and writing things down because I do have goals to someday be like Judy. Or is it Steve? No, Judy writes everything down. Yeah, but Steve plans everything for- That's why they're meant to be together. Right. We're not them. We love them dearly, but we're not them. I have goals. Okay, but we're not going to sit down and write out, okay, at 7.38 tonight, his foot is going to touch mine. That's what I'm talking about, the incidental stuff. Yes, and I'm not implying that Judy writes that stuff down either. No, but it's the kind of incidental stuff that is massive. It is that connection. Maybe not everybody is touchy-feely like we are, right? Yeah, we're kind of gross that way. Right. Maybe you sleep in different beds or apart in your king bed or whatever. Yeah, we have a full sunset. We are right next to each other. We can probably have a twin. Because we thrive on that. We both thrive on that. So it works well for us. But like we're saying, you can take the sex out of it and it can still maintain. Sexual intimacy doesn't have to be PIV, I don't think. I agree. Right? Sexual intimacy is every fucking time I walk by her in the bus, I graze her ass. Yes. Every fucking time, right? Yeah, and then sometimes he gets daring and grabs the old boobs too. But sometimes, because they're fucking fun, and I'm allowed to until I'm not. Yeah, valid. Right? So I think that if you are in a similar situation where you can't, it's not necessarily can't, you're not in a PIV season, right? Carry on, right? There's no excuse to give up, I feel. Right. Right? Because if you legit love each other, right, you find ways. You figure it out. Yes. And let me just state really quick, I am extremely attracted to my husband. This is not an attraction issue. Our lack of PIV intimacy has nothing to do with me not being attracted to him. And he treats me very well. My love language is certainly acts of service. So it is not, I don't know. I don't know if that, I don't know. I'm in a food coma here real quick. But I don't know if I tell you that enough. Like I find you attractive. It's not that I don't want to fuck your brains out. You heard it here folks. We'll get edited out. What? Right? Nah, we didn't say that. You said that. You have 45 seconds. Yep. And Ivo, we love doing this. We love talking about what, what. Yes. You know, and we love sharing with that. And we love the community. We would love to be more in connection with the community. We would love to continue to do this. And that's really all I'm going to say for now. So stay tuned. Oh for Christ's sake. I don't even know if you can put that in there. It was just a wish. We're going to sign off for now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is just an update. We wanted to touch base and let you know we all love you. Take care. Be good humans. Be kind. Chat soon. Can we come in?