0202 Female Led Relationships: This Is Not Abuse: Explaining FLR, Money, Consent & Judgment

/////  RE-RELEASE /////

This episode came from a place I didn’t expect — an email.

After receiving some pretty aggressive messages accusing me of abusing my husband because of how we live our Female-Led Relationship, I realized something important: not everyone listening to this podcast understands what an FLR actually looks like in real life.

So in this episode, I slow things down and explain how we live, how we make decisions, how money works in our marriage, and why leadership does not equal abuse — even when it looks different than what people are used to.

This is an honest, unfiltered conversation about judgment, misunderstanding, boundaries, and why you don’t owe anyone an explanation for a consensual relationship.

What I Cover in This Episode

• Why I felt the need to revisit and explain our FLR for newer listeners
• How judgment from outsiders often comes from misunderstanding — not concern
• The email that accused me of abusing my husband (and why it missed the mark)
• A recap of Episode 12 and the conversation around money control in FLR
• How finances actually work in our marriage — consent, choice, and communication
• Why having vehicles in my name is not abuse (and never has been)
• The difference between choosing responsibility and being forced into it
• Why my subbie works the job he does — and how choice plays a role
• The myth that FLR means constant punishment, humiliation, or control
• Why your FLR doesn’t need to look like mine — or anyone else’s
• How to handle disrespectful criticism without internalizing it
• The importance of confidence, boundaries, and self-respect in alternative relationships

Transcript

0:00

Probably going to have to put my glasses back on for this because I can't fucking see. This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. If you're not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18. This podcast is meant solely for entertainment. We are not licensed doctors, lawyers, or therapists. We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions. Welcome back. Season two, episode two, holy cow. So, this week, I am going to do kind of an explanatory episode, just because the next couple weeks, the things that I'm going to talk about are focused on FLR and I received an email that kind of made me think maybe I should do something to maybe explain the life that I live a little bit better for people who are just kind of jumping in to this podcast. So, it's going to be a little bit of a throwback with a little bit of explanation on my female-led relationship and how I abused the fuck out of my subbie, apparently. Anyway, before I start on that, let's address some housekeeping. My Fiverr kind of hit a stalemate, and I don't know if you guys really want to hear about this, but here we are because it's my fucking podcast, right? Fiverr kind of hit a stalemate, and then all of a sudden, it just went fucking crazy. So it's been hopping. Things are good there. So I did an audio on Fiverr for somebody who created this fantastic story. It is on Audible. It is called The Sweet Revenge of Teamwork. If anybody's interested and wants to check it out, it's a good story or if you just want to hear me. I get emails sometimes people saying they would let me read or would like me to read the phone book. But if you're interested in that, check it out. It's a pretty great story. It is October, and my poor subbie is dealing with some pinching issues with his cage. This is a new development. It's the same cage that we've used forever, and now all of a sudden, he's getting some pinching issues. He thinks that he just needs to have his balls emptied. I disagree. Shocker, right? Oh, on the note of voiceover work, back to that, I did also do some audios for a website. The website is erotichypnosisforwomen.com. There's all kinds of different stories on there. There's other narrators besides me. You should totally check it out. They are also some fun stories. So if you're interested in that, I thought I would throw that out there. I am also a top mentor, I believe is what my title is, for an app called Wisdom that just launched. I can't give you a bunch of information on it because it literally just launched two days ago. But they had reached out to me a few months back asking if I would be interested in being a top mentor for relationship things. They made sure they were aware of what type of relationship they were asking me to mentor on because they may not want me to. So yeah, when I have more information about that, I will talk more about it. We are, my subbie and I, and well, both of our girls were supposed to go, it was kind of supposed to be a last camping trip with the kids or the girls before they go off and start their life with college and whatever. However, my daughter is actually going to California, so she won't be going with us, but we are going to pack the camper up. Yes, it's fucking cold where we are now, but we are going to take the camper to Door County, Wisconsin. And I'm hoping that we didn't miss the peak time for the leaves changing. I'm thinking we might be a hair bit late, but Door County is absolutely beautiful this time of year. So yes, next weekend, we, so this weekend we are closing up our camper at our happy place, winterizing everything, and this will be our last weekend there. And this is the last weekend that our fantastic friends will be our neighbors. They're leaving us, very sad. And then the following weekend, MEA weekend, we are going to Door County for four days. It should be fun. The youngest will be with his dad, and for anyone who thinks that's unfair for him, he will be living with us in the camper in less than a year and get to see so many things that the girls don't get to see. So this was kind of just a thing for the girls and I and my husband to just have one last hurrah before they go off to college. I think that covers all the housekeeping issues. Let's get into the topic this week. Now, I generally hate to give assholes the time of day. However, I feel like it's important to maybe revisit some of the things that I've talked about in the past. People just jumping into this podcast, maybe starting with this episode. This will just kind of give you a little bit of background about our relationship, how we live it and how I really don't abuse my subbie in any way that he doesn't enjoy. I received an email from somebody and it was odd because the first email that I received, this person described his female-led relationship. However, there were things that were said in the email that kind of made me think maybe it's not a very healthy female-led relationship. He's in a female-led relationship with a stripper and he mentions in his email that he was tricked into the female-led relationship. However, it's the best thing that's ever happened to him. So he goes on to tell me all of these things about his relationship. And, you know, he discovered me from my podcast and thought he would send me an email telling me about his dynamic, which let me say, I love when people email me and talk about their dynamic with me. I am fascinated by learning about how other people live their lives. No judgment on my part. It might be quite different than how I live mine. But listen, if it works for you, I totally support it. So he goes on to tell me all about his relationship. And it was a pretty respectful email overall. And then two days later, I get another email that says, after having listened to episode 12 of my podcast, he believes that I abused my husband and he won't be listening anymore. However, I have a feeling he's still listening. So hello. He goes on to say, I only say I hope he finds his self-respect one day and leaves you. Get help. You need it. OK, so let me first. So I'm like, fuck, did I say something in episode 12 that makes me sound like a total bitch? Because, you know, I have to overthink things and I care too much what people think. Which is going to end. So I went back and I listened to all of episode 12. And for anybody that doesn't know, episode 12 talks about the different types of FLR relationships and how it relates to your finances, how much control the Dom can take and how certain people lead their FLR lifestyle when it comes to money. Nowhere in there did I say anything that even remotely sounds like I abused my husband. The only thing I can think. And again, I don't mean to give this too much thought, but just in case there's anybody else out there who's like, that just sounds terrible and maybe nobody even gives a shit. But here we are. So the episode was about how the Dom can control money. And just to really quick recap, you can do an allowance. The submissive can control the money because the dominant chooses that the submissive controls the money. You could do an allowance based on behavior. You could just do an allowance. There could be an allowance for the dominant and the submissive in the relationship. It's really however works best for you. So I mentioned in that episode that one, all of our vehicles are in my name. Everything's pretty much in my name. We don't own a house. We rent our house and pay far too much for it. But all of the vehicles are in our name. Now, the vehicles have always been in my name, even before we started practicing a female-led relationship. That's just the way my husband wanted it. It's not that I said, give me all these vehicles, they're mine. But listen, if I did, he would have totally been fine with that. I do control the money. And we both agree that's the best way to do it. But I also say in that episode that my husband hates his job, hates it with a passion. Now, I don't know if that was construed as he hates it and I still make him do it, which is not the case. I have said multiple times, take the FLR out of this. If you hate your job that much, we will find a way for you to do something else and survive off less money because he does make quite a bit of money when people pay him. However, right now, things are a little rough because I think the housing market might crash, but whatever. That's neither here nor there. Things slow down in the winter. That's just the way it is with his job, getting back on track. I don't force my subbie to do this job. He chooses to do it because it makes the money that we need to pay our bills. I have offered multiple times for him to just, fuck, go get a job at Menards. I don't give a fuck. We will be fine. We are always fine. We will make it through. He doesn't want to. I guess his thought on it is he works less time and makes enough money to pay the bills. And although he is not a fan of his job, we do have an exit plan, which makes it much more tolerable. So I don't know if that's where I abuse my subbie came from, but that's where we're at with that. So when he said that, when he said, when this person sent me the email stating that he wouldn't be listening anymore, whatever, I said I would be very, I responded by saying, I'd be very interested in why you feel I abused my husband. And he said, go back and listen to your own words in your own podcast. If you can't pick it up from that, then like I said, get help. Well, sir, I did exactly what you said. And there is nothing in my podcast that would lead a normal human being, I fucking hate that word normal, that would really lead anyone to believe that I'm abusing my husband. They maybe don't understand our relationship and so be it. I then received another email where I was sent a link asking if Selma Hayek was in the FLR and asking me to look at it because, you know, I'm the expert. To which I responded that I was a little confused because one email he is telling me all about his dynamic, which is not far off from my own dynamic, to telling me that I'm needing help and abusing my submissive, to then sending me a link and telling me I'm an expert. So I responded. And these are the things that I will tell everybody. One, I genuinely, genuinely, genuinely appreciate when people email me about their dynamic and how their relationship works. I say it all the time. I love talking to people. I love learning about how people navigate their relationships, whatever it may be. However, that being said, if you disagree or maybe it's a I don't understand how I would live my life or how my subbie and I choose to live our life, you can always email me and ask me questions. But one thing, you fucking better be respectful about it. I do not fucking deserve to be disrespected by anybody. A good majority of my early years of my life, I let people walk all fucking over me. And guess what? I'm done. You can email me, ask me questions. I'm always open to discussing anything and you don't have to fucking agree. I'm an adult. I can have a conversation with you. It doesn't have to be a pissing match. We can agree to disagree. It's not hard. However, if you're going to be disrespectful, fuck right off. I'm done. I don't want anything to do with you because I don't need toxic people in my life. So anyone out there. Who may be listening to this. Which I would guess if you're not part of the lifestyle, you're not fucking listening to my podcast and so be it. But just in general, if you have a question or whatever, I at least deserve respect. You don't have to agree with how I live my life, but I do deserve respect either way. Everyone deserves respect. Anyway, I also said, and I say this all the time, I am not a fucking expert on anything. I'm not. I'm always learning every day, always will be. I'm always going to be a work in progress and fuck most days. I'm first class on the hot mess express. It's just me. It's who I am. I've accepted it. So. I'm not an expert, I just offer my opinion and my thoughts on things, what you do with what I say is your decision. I'm not an expert by any means. So basically, that's what I summed up in the email to the response I got. I would never get married in today's anti-male environment. Men get ripped apart in family court. And I don't know if you are aware of this, but nobody cares about men or what happens to us. We are the primary victim of primary victims of almost every form of abuse on the planet. And the ones who and the ones where women top us off, it isn't very much. OK, so let me say this, I worked doing divorce, custody, bankruptcy, all of these things for lawyers for a good portion of my life, 15 years. If anyone knows how men get fucked over, it's fucking me. It's a shitty deal. I mean, there's ways that men get fucked over, there's ways that ways that women get fucked over. I don't know what that had to do with the price of tea and fucking China. It had nothing to do with my response. Like this is what I'm dealing with. And then I sit and I overthink about it. And here we are doing an episode on it. However, I don't abuse my husband and I also don't take him for granted. And I also don't mistreat him. This is our lifestyle. This is how we live. That's just it. He's actually quite spoiled. And if you could take a sneak peek in our day to day, you would all probably be quite disappointed in our FLR some days because some days it's just life gets in the way and you just go and do what needs to be done and move on, go to sleep, start the next day. There is constantly ebbs and flows, and I think it's that way in any FLR. You just have to figure out how you work through them, what works best for you and your partner and continue on. We communicate regularly, we're constantly talking, and I appreciate my subbie very, very, very much. He is not abused, at least not in the way this fuckhole thinks. And then his response is, do you think I care? You treat your husband like shit. I think it's supposed to be shit. You find it funny or amusing when he is in pain and then send him off to work like some thing whose only purpose is to make money so you can have a nice life. You have no idea what it really means to lead. He, oh, hell, sorry, he'll put heel. Hell, you couldn't lead flies to shit. You just like to abuse, bully and dominate. To lead is to serve, not harm. OK. First of all, my subbie makes a decent amount of money. I mean, we aren't fucking living high on the hog. We don't own a vehicle that's and all of our vehicles are over 10 years old. Some of them are fucking 20 years old. We're not driving around in fucking escalades. We live in a rental house. We're moving into a 1986 fucking Jayco camper for fuck's sake. We are not ballers. We're not like he's not going out. I don't send him to work and be like, well, I don't care that your knees fucking hurt. Like I said, I've offered for him to get out of this profession. He's choosing not to. And that's his choice. It's he's the one that's enduring the job. So anybody who has the misconception that we're living high on the hog in a big old mansion, not the case. In fact, we're moving into an even older house, camper, whatever. OK, enough of the rant on all of this. The main reason I did this episode is just in case anybody had questions. I know some people just entering into a female led relationship might feel like there has to be a certain amount of punishment or abuse or like people have that misconception, not abuse. I mean, it is, but it isn't. I don't know. People have this misconception that, like I've said on other episodes, that I lead him around the house by a leash on his cock cage. And while that would be entertaining, again, the kids probably aren't going to be on board with that, nor would I be on board with my children seeing that our female led relationship is ours. And I've come to the conclusion that I really don't care what anybody else thinks. But I feel like it needs to be said that there is no set in stone definition of a female led relationship other than the female leads the relationship. Whatever that means to you and your partner is the right female led relationship. There's nothing that says you have to do this or you have to do that. So, again, the whole point of this episode was I just wanted to reiterate that you make your own dynamic your own and brace yourself, because if you tell other people about your relationship, there are going to be people who don't understand and are going to see it as abuse. And it's not. My subbie is very mentally sound for the one that said he's crazy, and I have something on that note as well, but he's a good human being with a fantastic heart and he takes care of his family and that is his priority. He is a good man who happens to like being spanked and hit with a riding crop. It's a stress reliever for him. Not everybody has to understand that and not everybody will understand your female led relationship. And that's OK, because it's yours. I think I've addressed everything. Next week, I want to talk about there's this fantastic article that I believe it originated in Germany, but she talks about the author talks about erection control. She's training her subbie to immediately go limp the second she points at it or directs him to go limp. So the topics of the upcoming episodes or next week's episode, for that matter, could be a little bit more edgy than maybe what I've done in the past. And I just wanted to preface this for anybody that might just be jumping in now to and not listen to any of the past episodes. I just kind of wanted to throw this out there. Just because you participate in an alternative lifestyle, don't let people make you think you're fucking crazy. The people that are trying to make you feel like you're crazy are the ones that are jealous of the lifestyle you're living. Mean people, well, what is it? Hurt people hurt people and people tend to be bullies when they're jealous of what you have. And I should probably wrap this up because I've been rambling for almost 30 minutes now. Are you guys sick of listening to me? I hope not. I just want anybody listening to this podcast to know that I'm here to offer my opinions, offer support and no fucking judgment. If there was one thing I could change in my life, it would be the judgment that I get from other people about the lifestyle that I choose to lead. And I will say that over this past year, I have gotten 600 times more confident in being open about the lifestyle that I lead. I understand not being able to be open about your lifestyle due to work and things like that, but. Don't let people who choose to be in your life make you feel like shit because you can choose to take them out of your life. I will try my hardest not to focus a whole episode on bullshit email that I get, but I thought it was important to address this in case anybody else was thinking. Some of the same thoughts, I just wanted to address it and you know, I probably shouldn't. Fucking who cares what people think, right? Anyway, I hope everybody has a fantastic week. Next week, we will get back to our female led relationship content and talk about some different topics. Like I said, they may be a little bit more edgy, which is why we're here talking about the things we're talking about. But I hope you all have a fantastic week. Be good human beings, be kind to one another, stay safe, take care, and we will chat soon. Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. Please, if you enjoyed this episode, leave a rating and review on whatever podcast app that you listen on. I would really appreciate it. And please share a link to the podcast on your social media. I really believe that there may be things I talk about that somebody might just want to hear. I'd love to be able to connect with you. So the best place to do that is probably Twitter. You can look for at Christine Kellogg, Christine, K-R-Y-S-T-I-N-E. Also, I can be reached at ChristineKellogg at gmail.com. If you would like to support this podcast and or explore my FLR coaching or keyholding services, please find me on Patreon at Christine Kellogg. My beloved army of patrons is slowly growing and your kindness is very much appreciated. For custom audios, I'm on Fiverr at Christine Kellogg. I produce custom erotic voiceovers, POV, point of view, JOI, jack off instructions, as well as erotic hypnosis, ASMR, audio books and custom voicemail messages. Hit me up on Fiverr and mention that you heard me on the podcast and I will give you a KFLR listener discount. For pics and videos of me and me torturing my subbies little dick, look me up on Only Fans at Christine Kellogg. There's a growing amount of content that is free for now, as well as custom request options for my followers there. Let me know that you found me through my podcast because that would be super cool. Links to all of these are in the show notes. Again, thank you so much. Be good human beings and stay safe.