0149 Female Led Relationships: Peg-tember, Spanking, and the Hodgepodge of FLR Life

///// RE-RELEASE /////

We're kicking off Peg-tember with a bang—and a paddle. This re-released episode dives into the often misunderstood world of pegging and spanking in female-led relationships, right in time for Labor Day weekend (again). MY subbie and I unpack feedback from TikTok, share personal anecdotes from their FLR journey, and tackle the misconceptions around mental health, dominance, and kink dynamics with humor, heart, and clarity. 

This is your reminder that pleasure, power, and partnership can all coexist in healthy, grounded ways—even in a camper.

What You’ll Hear in This Episode:

• The TikTok backlash that inspired this conversation
• Pegging basics, myths, and practical tips from a Facebook post Krystine couldn’t stop thinking about
• Why spanking and dominance aren't always about punishment
• Mental health, kink, and the very real emotional dynamics of FLR
• Reclaiming control and respect through open, ongoing communication

Why It Matters:
Whether you're just curious about FLR or you're already living it, this episode gets real about what happens after the fantasy. It’s not all whips and chains—sometimes it’s body language, poop logistics, safe words, and deep emotional connection. And sometimes? It’s just a hodgepodge.

Links & Extras:
Worksheet for FLR Communication & Consent (Patreon Exclusive)
Want more on pegging? Check out the companion post for Peg-tember on Patreon

Submit your questions, comments, or episode topic requests via text or emai-

—I'm listening!

Transcript

0:00

I mean, I need to be in the picture cause it's my fucking podcast. This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. If you're not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18. This podcast is meant solely for entertainment. We are not licensed doctors, lawyers, or therapists. We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions. Welcome back. My subbie is here. Yum. What are we, 49? 49. Ooh, the next one's going to be real fun. 52. 52. 52 is the big one. Yes. Okay. Getting super close. Yes. So, as you can see, we are in a different camper if you are watching this. And our friends aren't here. Weird. And I think you're probably beginning to wonder if our friends actually exist. We do really have friends. We do. So, we had plans this weekend and all kinds, all the good plans. All the plans were good. Well, it was supposed to be a good three-day weekend, kid-free. At the camper, hanging with our friends, getting some stuff done up there. Doing the podcast. Yeah, with our friends who do exist. And here we are on Monday. The weekend kind of fell apart on Thursday. We got some information that inhibited us, is that the right word? Yeah. From going to our camper. And we weren't able, obviously, to do the podcast. Right. So, here we are. So, instead, we worked on this camper and got some other things done. And yeah. Here we are. So, this is going to kind of be a hodgepodge of things. There are things that I found a really cool post on Facebook that I want to talk about that kind of revisits pegging a little bit. I just thought it was a good post. I will try to link it in the show notes. I don't know if I'm going to be able to find the website exactly because I think it was a screenshotted situation, but. I'll do my best to find it. Yeah. We'll see what we can do. I'll put my subbie to work. Mm-hmm. So, I want to kind of talk about that. We're going to revisit a little bit of the spanking aspect a little bit. And then I'm also going to talk about a little bit of some feedback I've gotten on TikTok this last week. It kind of goes in spurts on TikTok. Like, I do get a ton of support on there, but you always get that one random dickhole that has to say his piece. And there was a couple of things that I thought was real interesting. So I might just address that for, I mean, I'm sure this person isn't listening to the podcast, but we'll just briefly cover it. So it's kind of going to be a hodgepodge, but my subbie is here with me to embark on this hodgepodge of a podcast. I like it. Plus, I just like spending time with him and touching him. So here we are. Yeah, we might title the podcast the Hodgepodge Podcast. Ooh, I like it. I like it a lot. I don't know. I mean, this is kind of a whole housekeeping issue in a way, but I don't, is there anything that you wanted to address for housekeeping? My lumber, I forgot to address that last week. Was there something that, I don't know, it wasn't listed somewhere that we thought it was, or? It should be in the, it should be in the show notes for every podcast, for every episode. If it's not, I'll take a look and remedy that. Yeah. Reach out to me anytime via text. I mean, you can call too. It's a little hard for me to answer my phone when my kids are around, obviously. I mean, they are in school now, so it's a little different, but again, my mom is here. So being able to have just an open conversation, I will have to figure out how to make it work and I keep saying that, but every day new things come up, different things come up. I mean, this is going to be a very, very busy year for us because we have 308 days till we are moving into this camper that we are sitting in right now, 24 feet will be our home. And we live in Minnesota. Cold weather is coming. We're trying to get everything as butted up as possible so that we're still able to work on it somewhat through the winter. But also, I mean, July 1 is our day to go and there are so many things. We have a four-bedroom house that needs to be cleaned out. There's so many things that need to be done, so. And to be honest, we want to have this, this little escape pod ready to go before it gets too cold here. And just in case over the winter or spring, the rumored housing crash, I mean, we're talking to you now, early September, we have no idea what's going to happen in the next or in the coming months. So we live by an airport in case you can hear that. We'll try that over again once it passes. What kind of plane was that? I'm sure it was a 737. Okay. Um, we want to get this escape pod ready to go before it gets too cold here. In the event that we have to escape sometime through the winter or spring, there's a rumored housing crash around the corner for us. And my job depends heavily on housing. And the last crash caused way too much havoc. And I didn't work for months and months. So we can't do that again, especially after just getting through the COVID shutdown. So we need to be ready to go just in case. On top of that, there are some unknown health issues that we're experiencing that could also dramatically change our lifestyle. The old Sabi here is getting tired in his old age. Well, there is that. But we are taking steps, obviously, to change what needs to be changed to make sure he stays healthy because obviously I'd like to keep him around. Yeah, that'd be great. Much easier to beat him than the children. So on that note, we are just in prepare mode and make sure that we have a plan B should everything fall apart. Because if you've learned anything from my podcast, nothing is set in stone in my world. Everything is very fluid and the next year is not going to change that. And living in a camper full time is not going to change that. And to be completely honest, 24 hours from now might look way different than it does at this moment. Right. So everything is very fluid. I appreciate everybody that hangs in there with me because honestly, sometimes the hot mess express runs rampant and it's just what our life is. It's who I am. Yep. Anyway. All right. That was housekeeping number one. Yeah. Kind of. So housekeeping number two, I wanted to address my Patreon. I'm at a loss with this because I don't know what my Patreon people want to see. I was doing some coaching and I'm struggling with that right now because it's real hard for me to coach when everything is so crazy in my life right now. I mean, my OnlyFans is kind of the place where I post the things that 18 and over. Right. My Patreon is more for like, do you guys care what I'm doing on my day to day? Is that what you want to see? I'm struggling to figure out what is valuable enough for you to pay to see. If we're done with housekeeping, that kind of brings me into the TikTok comment I was going to comment on. What a transition. What do you think? Yeah. I posted a video. It was a spanking video. It was a video of a video that my handsome subbie here edited and we put up on TikTok. It was just a snippet of me talking about spanking and I had mentioned something about how I like to hit my subbie or I like to spank him. I don't remember what my exact words were. And I received a comment from somebody that said that my husband is not right in the head and I'm causing mental damage to him by us living this type of relationship. I mean, that's subjective, isn't it? I also received another comment that said, by the content that I am putting out, I am teaching women to hate men because I am a dominant. Right. So, first of all, on the aspect of my subbie here being right in the head, he is more mentally sound than almost any man I have, well, more mentally sound than any man I have ever been in a relationship with. How sweet are you? With. I think it's real hard or real unfair for somebody to make that assessment after a 30 to 60 second TikTok. Yes, that. Yeah. You know nothing about our relationship. Our relationship is very healthy and what you think us doing, if you think that is a result of something being wrong in somebody's head, maybe you should have an evaluation because. Yeah, it's very cancel culture. And we're trying to steer away from the whole cancel culture thing because man, how judgmental is all of that? You know, obviously there's, there's times where you can, it's pretty cut and dry. You can cancel someone, you know, a history of something, but if you're basing your cancel on less than 30 seconds of seeing somebody, it's a little premature, isn't it? It's a little, well, shoot first, ask questions later kind of thing. My question would be, is this person a registered therapist, licensed therapist? I would guess not because I would think that anybody that's a licensed therapist or psychologist or any of those things would lead with that because. Or have a better educated response. Right. You know, I mean, it was, and I understand that comments on TikToks, there isn't much room. You only get so much space and a lot of time on TikToks, you have a lot you want to say about that video. Right. But you could choose your words a lot better than, than what some of your comments are. My whole point in this whole discussion is you don't have to agree with what everybody is doing. You don't have to agree with our relationship. I'm not doing this podcast to shove our relationship down people's throat and only you should do this. This is the only way to live because that's not how I feel. I think that your relationship is yours. You do whatever you want with it. And as long as you're communicating with your partner and you guys are okay with what you are doing and it's not hurting anybody else, fucking go for it. If that's what makes you happy, I mean, obviously of legal age, consenting adults, the obvious guidelines to it, but who does, why does anybody have any say in what you do with your relationship if you and your partner are happy? Right. And it's all about the, you know, if, if we break all of this down, if, if anybody learns anything out of anything that comes spewing out of my mouth or whatever, we're really pushing healthy relationships by communication and honesty and just working together instead of intentionally pissing off your partner, which I never have understood that. You married this person. Why are you pissing them off intentionally? Like what do you get out of that? You know? Or you're in just, even if you're not married, just being in a relationship with somebody. So we're really just trying to push a healthy relationship first and then anything that happens after that is on you, you know, I mean, what you decide the extent of, I mean, if you're interested in the FLR, then whatever extent of that is your thing to decide, you know, we have decided our extent of the FLR and, you know, to some it might be lightweight, to some it might be over the top. It's all subjective, you know. But it's also our relationship. Right. So it's ours. Right. And I love hearing people's opinions. I mean, listen, his cock cage is a huge topic of conversation at camp because there's not many people there that participate in that type of lifestyle. I don't know if anybody has a cock cage at camp. Yeah. And I mean, as for residents, I guess I don't know about visitors. I mean, somebody could be visiting that we didn't come across. But as for residents at our campground, I think he is one of a kind that way. We're sure opening the door to some things, aren't we? Yeah. Pegging is another bitch. We'll work into that. I have something I want to say about that. Oh, yeah. We're going to touch on that. Yep. But I mean, my biggest point to this whole thing is you have to do what works for you. And the biggest thing is, is that you have open communication. I'm so thankful when he first talked to me about all of the lifestyle things. My only suggestion when communicating is when you're with somebody, you should really feel like you can tell them anything. Like, it was a big step for him to say, this is what I like. This is what I want to do. Not knowing how I was going to respond, because when he told me, we didn't know each other very long for the initial conversation. But he was open and honest right from the get go. And I think that's part of the reason that we have such a strong foundation. Now being the receiver of this information and growing up in a small town, my first reaction, just knee-jerk reaction was, what in the fuck is wrong with you? Like I understand the comment that I got on TikTok, because I think that that's how these relationships are portrayed to people. It's a constant, oh my God, you're fucked in the head. I can't believe you like that, because it has been jammed on our throats for so many years as human beings that this is what sex is. This is acceptable sex. And anything outside of that, you're a freak. Another point of my podcast, you are not a fucking freak. You like what you like. And if you do research into history, there are things that are in the kink lifestyle that people were doing centuries ago that just weren't talked about. And the way it was described was completely different. Millenniums ago. Yeah. I mean. To be honest. Just on the receiving end, don't ever laugh at your partner, try and, I mean, don't kink shame them. Don't. I mean, just listen with an open mind. Allow yourself some time to process the information that you've just received. Don't go with a knee jerk reaction or knee jerk answer or whatever. Give yourself some time to process and really think about it with all without all of the pre-programmed things that are in your brain. Right. And really give it thought. Like, does this turn me on or is this something that I want to do? And don't feel ashamed. Just let your body and your mind think about what this topic is and if it's something that sounds interesting to you and it doesn't, say no. Right. And to the information dealer outer, give this person some time to process. Yeah. Do not full court press this situation. Little bits at a time, little conversations at a time. Pick the times wisely that you have these conversations. Just allow the person some time to process what you just dropped on their lap. You know, this, much like our situation, she had no idea that any of this even existed. So when I brought this whole thing up, she needed some time to process this and figure out if this was something that she was interested in and interested in learning more about or if the conversation was over. So just take your time with it and work together instead of at each other. And like I said, small town brain, and I'm not saying everybody has this. You just have to allow yourself some time, judgment-free in your own brain to process the things that you're hearing and see if it's something that's interesting to you. Yeah, for sure. It's not just small town. Yeah. There's plenty of people in major metropolitan areas who've never heard of, you know, a female-led relationship or BDSM or any of these things. You know, they just grew up in there wherever they grew up and that topic never came up in families or school or friends or media or whatever. It could be new for anyone, you know. Which kind of leads us into our next topic about the person that commented about how my podcast is teaching women to hate men and that I mean to my submissive and that a woman shouldn't be in control. My whole take on that is, well, first, my subbie mentioned, does that mean that it's okay for a man to be dominant? Does that mean that they're teaching other men to hate women? Right. So, traditionally, if you look at relationships, they've been male-led and this has been instilled upon all men, kids, boys growing up that this is how things are. So, to turn that upside down is way different. It doesn't necessarily make a traditional relationship bad or good. It's just the way it has been for many people. And sometimes that doesn't work for everyone. Sometimes flipping it around works better. And there are female-led relationships that don't even realize they're female-led relationships. You know, if it would only learn how to do them a little bit better instead of just being antagonistic back and forth, you'd have such a more healthy relationship. Myself growing up, you know, my dad was in charge of everything. He was the breadwinner and his decisions were the final say. And if any big ticket items were purchased, meet me at the bank and sign this. You know, it was that sort of thing. And I cannot fathom me doing that with Christine. It just doesn't... We don't communicate that way. We don't work that way. We talk ad nauseum about things until we decide to do something. And that's just a testament of how our communication is and how we work together. And to be honest, her final say is typically the final say. She will lean on me for my opinion or input from me, but whatever comes up at the end, that's just how it goes. Also, part of the comment was that, you know, I was abusive to my subbie. Here's the thing with that. This punk over here next to me is spoiled rotten. Whether I'm the dominant or not, he is treated very well. So I don't like the misconception of if you're in an FLR relationship or a female-led relationship that the submissive is treated poorly. I think that is a terrible misconception, and I think it needs to be explained that all of this treatment and all of the things that happen in this type of relationship should be or have been communicated prior to it starting. So all of these things that are happening are happening with love and maybe to an outsider that looks abusive, but that's not how the dynamic works. People just jump to conclusions, and there could be dominants out there that are abusive to men, but I would be willing to guess that those dominants that are abusive to the men, the men have requested that the dominant be abusive to them, and there's where you're at with it. Right. And it's probably not. I mean, it could be a relationship thing. Maybe not. I mean, there's all kinds of services out there where you can hire a dominant to do a play session or a session with you where they completely control you, and that's maybe what just some men are looking for or just some submissives in general are looking for. They want to be dominated for a certain amount of time. There's so much more that goes into this relationship than just the whips and chains and handcuffs. I see. And you always say that. I mean, honestly, if you took all of that away, I bet you there would be just as many people practicing this lifestyle because of the mental benefits and turn on of this type of relationship. Yeah. The emotional connection. Yeah. I mean, I've never bonded with anybody like I have bonded with him. From the get-go, whether we were in a female-led relationship, practicing chastity or not, this relationship is the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. Just so happens. We also communicate very well and practice the things that we practice. Absolutely. And, you know, kind of to that note, when, again, I am not a trained therapist, I am not a medical professional, I've not any of that. This is just blue collar guys, two cents on the matter. I feel that I would probably never have had this kind of relationship with anybody who wasn't dominant. I think that, you know, you hear the opposites attract kind of thing. Like two very dominant people don't work well together, two submissive people don't work together. Again, just in my opinion, matters not to most people, but I think you almost need like a plus and a minus, you know. You need a dominant and submissive. Again, that does not mean that one is walking around with a bullwhip and the other one is wearing a ball gag. Ooh, goodness, the ball gag, the bullwhip sounds fun. But I mean, that's the... It's the stigma that's attached, isn't it, to this relationship? Yeah, it's the stigma, it's the physical thing. We're talking about the emotional and mental layer of all of this. If two dominant people are together, in my opinion, it would seem that they would be arguing constantly, you know, because they're both right, right? And if you have two submissive people, nobody's making a damn decision, you know. So, you know, we come across things that sometimes we can't make a decision either, but because both options are really viable. You know, we can make a true, a good argument for both sides. So people will run into that too. But I really, I really think that one has to be one, one has to be another, whether you're man and woman, woman, woman, man and man, whatever, whatever it might be. I think that a healthy way of doing this is the plus and minus that get together. I think if you pay attention to just, and I hate the word vanilla because you know me, I hate my fucking labels. But if you just pay attention to your standard everyday relationship, you're out in public watching, people watching, whatever. I think in every relationship, if you pay attention, there is one person that tends to be more in control of the situation. Right. Even if you want to label it, leader, follower, you know, something along those lines. It's give and take. Right. Oh, give and take is totally it, you know. So just for anybody out there that's concerned about my subbie's wellbeing, he's very well taken care of. Next. Oh, I want to revisit the pegging thing because I found this really cool Facebook post. It looks like it was a post shared from a mommy dom site and credit to at something. I don't know where it came from, but it's pegging an introduction to butt stuff. Time to go sperlunking. What is pegging? An act where one person penetrates another anally with a strap on. There are a variety of reasons one can find pegging enjoyable, both as the giver and the receiver. Debunking pegging myths. This is part of the reason I wanted to put this on here because there's that stigma that if you like pegging, you must be gay. Having your backdoor entered can be pleasurable for a variety of reasons that have nothing to do with your sexuality and everything to do with one enjoying a part of your body and the way it makes you feel. The person being pegged isn't always the submissive one. Pegging doesn't change who you are or how you identify sexually. It just means that you enjoy that sensation in your butt. Congratulations. You don't need to be physically strong or a fear-inducing dominant to be a prepared pegger. Get handsy. When you think of pegging, you think dildo plus strap on equals fun. There is a little secret to pegging many folks may not let you in on. Using a lubed up gloved hand can be the difference for the first time or veteran penetrators. Think more like low range metal detector and less like jackhammer. Breathing. This one's pretty standard. You breathe together, slowly enter. Use barrier methods for hygiene and SCIs and lubricant because the anus does not produce any on its own. It does not. Always take verbal and nonverbal cues from whose butt is being penetrated. And enter slowly on the out breaths. Finding your spot starting with your finger will not only help you understand where your partner's fun spots are, but will also help educate them. So you both understand the sensation. You should choose to move on to the penetrative activity. Think of this more like a low range metal detector and less like a jackhammer. The dildo chooses you. For the first time pegging, you don't. Does that mean there's going to be dildos at our door? Maybe. They're all going to come running to our house. I instantly just thought of Harry Potter and the one chooses the person. OK, so the dildo chooses you. Peek moment. For the first time pegging, you don't want an intimidating dildo, nor one the size of a baby carrot. It should be long enough so you have a chance of hitting the fun parts, not to mention making this easier on the pegger to keep in. Dildos with an extra flared base are even better. Best pegging positions. Contrary to popular belief, doggie is not a recommended position for pegging, which I found interesting because if you took a poll, I would guess almost everyone that has done pegging has started doggie style, including me. Height and torso differentials, not to mention muscle groups needed to make this position suboptimal. Instead, try having the pegger lay on their back as the peggy lowers themselves onto the dildo in cow person position. Planking position is a great one for pegger mobility. Now, my first thing that comes to mind is, of course, when you're talking about pegging, everybody immediately goes to poop and for instance, if we were talking about me and my subbie, if I was laying on my back and he was lowering himself onto it, my first concern would be something getting on me. If that is a serious fear, because sometimes it's very hard to get out of your head and I get in my own head a lot, there are precautions you can take. Take a towel, an old one, cut a hole in it and just put it around the strap on to protect your body from any type of accident that could possibly happen. There is also methods that you can do to avoid that. Things that you eat or drink during the day before, if you know that something like this is coming up in the evening, some people do enemas to clean things out. It depends on your level of being prepared. Sometimes this just comes up so you didn't have time to prepare. And in that case is when you can use a towel or something similar along those lines. Or if you're just concerned in general. I mean, the first time is going to be awkward no matter what. Right. And I do know like our friend at camp or the husband of our couple at camp. And yes, they really do exist. They do. He will pay attention to the consistency of his poop. As funny as that sounds, he knows his body well enough to know this is not a time when pegging is an option. And I mean, that's actually common sense. Yeah. To be honest, I mean, I wouldn't I didn't think of that to start with, but that's certainly something I can think about now is, you know, throughout the day, if I remember that, you know, my consistency was a certain texture. Texture. Consistency is probably the best word. The consistency of it has been. Right. It may lend itself to either a mess or a completely clean encounter. And since we're on this topic, it almost feels like we're at camp because every time we're at camp or on the table, poop comes up. Yes. So stay tuned for when our real live friends actually get to be on the podcast and there will be poop talk. Okay. The last page is aftercare and cleanup kind of leads into what we were just saying. Like any sex act, pegging can be as intimate or aggressive as both parties want it to be. Aftercare can be as simple as gratitude or as complex as a detailed bathing of one another. You may have a little post. What is that? Coital? Coital. Coital. Postcoital. You may have a little. Because you're performing coitus. Okay. You may have a little postcoital fluid or mess to clean up. This is all part of being intimate. If you planned well, your towels and wipes will be close to hand. Correct. So I just thought that was interesting, mainly because there's always that stigma of, oh, you like it in the butt, you must be gay. And it seems to me that that only comes in reference when you are speaking to a man who likes it in the butt. It is completely acceptable for a woman to like it in the butt, but not a man. Very irritating to me. I don't understand this concept. Right. So it goes back to being judgmental, right? Or what we're programmed to believe. Right. Or whatever. Right. People that don't get it point fingers, right? Until you have a conversation with people, and I've had conversations at camp regarding my cage and other things. When I've had those conversations, the people that I've been talking to, it's easier for them to wrap their head around hearing another point of view. And this would apply to pegging. It could apply to anything, really. And again, it's communication. So, but sometimes people do the shoot first, ask questions later, and don't even ask them later sometimes, you know, and that's, I really feel that's their loss because they could have learned something. Whether it's for them or not, they could have at least learned something. Also part of the reason that I keep bringing up the spanking, the pegging, all the things that we talk about on here, I continually bring it up because this is a safe space. You can download this on your earbuds and just listen. And there's a person telling you that it's okay. It's okay if you like that. You don't have to overthink it and think, well, does this mean I like men? Because it sure doesn't. If you are a man and you like this, it's okay. You're not a bad person. This has nothing to do with who you are as a human being. It has to do with the pleasure that you enjoy during sex. Right. And if you're a woman and your man comes to you with this idea, that does not mean he's gay or interested in men necessarily. That could be there, but he's more interested in you. Giving him that sensation and he could be requesting that because it's a great form of dominance for you towards him. He wants to submit to you by... Even if it's just for that moment. It doesn't have to be a lifestyle change where he wants you to be dominant all the time. It can just be a situation where if he wants you to take control of this exact situation and it's something that maybe interests him. Right. Yeah. I mean, if you're listening to this, you're probably at least interested in or curious about a female-led relationship. And when a man comes to you about using the strap on him and pegging him, he's really handing the power over to you. And he is hoping that you are at least curious about taking on that role or assuming that role. And this is a physical way for you to show that dominance towards him. And that has to do with the spanking too, by the way. Little side story. I don't know if this ever came out, if we talked about this. When I was young, my father was the dominant of the whole house. So he's the one that dealt out the spankings and lashings of the belt. He has been a dominant figure in my life, my entire life, until I met Christine. And at that point, I so, we haven't come across this yet. And again, this lends itself to what I said earlier. Don't push it. Just let the process happen. I haven't hit you with a belt. I've spanked you. You've spanked me, but we've not done the belt yet. And that's very, that's extremely symbolic because then in my mind, the belt has been handed from him to her. And she is then assuming that role of being the dominant person in my life, even though I know she already is that. And he's no longer with us. But that's here and there. It's very symbolic, I think. And then it's psychological too. And see, I think because I've, I've done riding crop, I've done, you know, all of those things. I've done those. Yeah. The belt to me, I just am a little nervous because. She's kind of nervous because she's afraid she won't be able to slow down or stop. Yeah, there's that. I mean, that's my main concern. That's part of it. But I mean, this is a big step. And I want to make sure, one, that I'm not going to hurt him in a very bad way. Or two, that this is mentally where he's, that he's mentally ready. And listen, he's been mentally ready for all of this much longer than I've been ready. Yeah. But I have to overthink it. Also, have a safe word, please. This is part of the communication prior to any of this happening. Please, please, please find a safe word. We have a safe word. There's a safe word for a couple at camp that is peaches. We learned this weekend. It can be anything. It can be anything. And make it a word that you probably wouldn't use during intercourse of any sort. Something way out of the normal vocabulary of that sort of situation. Yeah. That was like a kind of a disclaimer thing. Yes. Use it out of a safe word. It's very important. Yep. That way you know, oh, by the way, a safe word is the word is thrown out there and everything stops. Just completely stops. Something's not right. And the person, either person can say the safe word, right? And that is the, you're hitting stop completely. And then let's talk about what just happened and how did we get here? And how do we not get to that place where the person either side felt uncomfortable? And whoever is calling the safe word, do not, do not hesitate to call that safe word. Trust your body. Trust your mind. Yeah. If something doesn't feel right, stop it immediately because once something happens, you can't take it back. Physically or mentally. Correct. This isn't just a physical thing. Right. So don't ever feel guilty. Your feelings are valid. If you feel something's not right, stop. Just because you're the dominant or just because you're the submissive doesn't make your feelings more or less than the other person. Right. And just because you're using the safe word in this instance does not mean that you never have to participate in whatever activity it is. Again, you just have to figure out what triggered this emotion, what triggered this feeling and figure out how, if it means that you can no longer do this because it's not for you and that's okay. Or if there's something that triggered it, I mean, it is, it is a lot of kind of almost soul searching in a way. You have to figure out why something, because I think a lot of people have suppressed memories from their past that they don't realize until something happens to trigger it and then here you are. Trust your body because it's going to be more damaging if you don't listen to your brain and your body and stop it instead of keeping going because you're worried about what your partner is going to think. Right. Fuck it. You are the important person. Listen to your feelings. Exactly. And that's where communication is incredibly important to be on a level that you can share what you're feeling at that time, whether it's a physical or mental thing, you're willing, you're able to share that with the other person. Again, either the submissive or the dominant. It could happen on both sides. And this is a conversation too, that I've had with my daughter. I mean, we've told both of our girls, if you're doing something and you don't want to do it anymore, stop. Don't worry about whether it's sexual, whether it's not, whatever the case may be. Now, for the instance with my daughter, we were talking about something that was sexual, but if you're doing this thing and you don't want to do it anymore, and in her case, she feels bad because the boy didn't get to finish or whatever. It doesn't fucking matter. You're in control of your body. You choose to participate in this. If you are done with it, be fucking done with it. Unless you give complete consent to the other person, that other person is not entitled to hurt you. On whatever level that is, they are not entitled to whatever you're giving them. You choose to give them whatever you want to give them. And what you mean by consent is if you're in type, in a type of relationship where there is spanking or spanking play or something like that. Right. Not speaking of my daughter, just in. No, no, no, no, no. Um, in, in, in any situation, because there's, I mean, there's a whole other rat hole to go down where there's consensual non-consent, right? Um, and, and maybe that applies to some people and that's okay. That's your thing, you know, as, as long as the communication is there. But regardless of anything, nobody is entitled at all to do anything to you unless you tell them it's okay. Right. And this whole feeling of guilt, which she probably gets from me, man or woman, you're choosing to do something with this other person. And if you decide I'm done and they haven't reached their point, do not feel guilty, stop what you're doing. You're done. That's all there is to it. Yep. Just my opinion. Yep. And if they have a problem with that, then that's a big problem. That's a red flag. Or see you later. We need to have a good communication and like, listen, I mean, I can understand how like the first time it's a misunderstanding, but if something keeps happening like that, then maybe. Right. Like for the discussion. Like a case in point, like a submissive really wants something, right? And if you keep pushing and pushing and pushing and pushing, that's kind of non-consensual. Like the other person is not receptive to what you're saying. So stop fucking pushing. Or does that make you a brat? Just kidding. Brats are a different thing. No, I don't want to be a brat. But if you are listening to this and you are trying to shove this in this relationship down your partner's throat, stop doing that. You got to let them take things as, as they take them and they will be, they will, they will want to either continue or not continue, but you have to be good with that. No, that doesn't mean he's not saying you can have multiple, multiple conversations. Oh, for sure. Many conversations about it is great. Yeah. It's the, in my opinion, it's the continuous little comments here and there. Like, why don't you spank me? Or, you know, if you guys are in the discussion phase or if people are in the discussion phases of exploring a relationship like this, it's probably not something that should be joked about or taken lightly or what I mean. And listen, you all know your relationships better than anybody. So, but not sending articles 16 times a day about the research that you found, unless your partner is receptive to that and wants to learn more. So if, if you're, if you're sending the article and you're going to send another one or you're thinking about it, get that clearance first. May I send another, whatever it is, article, picture, meme, whatever it is. Or even just, Hey, I found this. Are you interested in doing it? It's, man, you have to work together on things. Stop shoving what you want on the other piece of the person's throat. And pay attention. We were talking about this at camp too. Pay the fuck attention to body language. Yup. Like, I mean, being at a clothing optional lifestyle campground, I mean, you should always ask for consent before touching anybody. But if you're comfortable with someone, like for instance, there's somebody that I know as an acquaintance and we've hugged before and whatever, but I see them somewhere and I touch them and they kind of twinge back. Everybody has different days. Some days they don't want to fucking be touched. Pay attention to body language. And man, if somebody says, don't touch me, don't fucking touch them. You know, and our campground is pretty good about that, but you know, sometimes it's alcohol's involved and you just aren't getting the message. And just because you're at the lifestyle campground does not mean you're open for business every minute that you're there. True story. You know, and for those who think that they can bully their way into getting what they want, stop doing that. It's not healthy. Okay. So there's your life lesson from F. Is everybody exhausted? There's our hodgepodge podcast. Yeah. Ooh, say that five times fast. Hodgepodge podcast, hodgepodge podcast, no can't do it. Okay. So we're going to wrap this up and I hope everybody had a fantastic Labor Day weekend. Yeah. I hope all of you have a fantastic week. It's a short work week, so that's awesome. Thank you for being here with me, Mr. Subby. Oh, I love doing this. I love having you. Yeah. It's fun to have these conversations. Correct. And if anybody wants to email me about something they'd like me to talk about, I do have a couple of things written down for future episodes that I do want to do because I have gotten some great insight from my emails. Yeah. We have a list going, so. Text me, whatever. Yep. Throw it out because we're very receptive to that. So have a fantastic short work week. Love you all. Thanks for listening and chat soon. Bye. Bye.