0138 Female Led Relationships: Polyamory and Jealousy in FLRs

///// RE-RELEASE /////

I'm recording from camp this week, and this one is a full-blown Krystine-style coffee chat (minus the coffee).

Between massaging strangers and fending off my "adorable herd of children", I share the questions, themes, and emotional truths that came up during my time alone at her happy place: CAMP.

This episode dives into swinging dynamics, polyamory, boundaries, communication, and the gender double standards that still very much exist in lifestyle communities. I opens up about what it might look like if my subbie and I explored swinging, what I’d expect, what I wouldn't tolerate, and why emotional safety always comes before play.

I also get real about my own jealousy, evolving perspectives, and what it means to love my subbie so deeply that anything else would feel… off. This one’s raw, unscripted, and packed with the kinds of thoughts most people are too nervous to say out loud. But not me!

What You'll Walk Away With:

• Why every swinging couple has different boundaries (and that’s okay)
• What role communication and rules play in lifestyle relationships
• Whether gender should matter in swinging and poly situations
• Krystine’s reflections on polyamory, jealousy, and the power of love
• How our “programming” affects how we see kink and love

 Questions This Episode Helps Answer:

• What are common rules for couples who swing?
• How do boundaries work in the swinging lifestyle?
• Can you be polyamorous and in an FLR?
• Why is it okay for women to be with women, but not men with men?
• Is jealousy normal in open re

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Transcript

0:58

This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. If you are not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18. This podcast is meant solely for entertainment. We are not licensed doctors, lawyers, or therapists. We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions. Welcome back, episode 38. Wait, 38? What happened to 37? It's the long lost episode. Moving on. We're going to talk about camp this week, but first, let's do some housekeeping, shall we? Housekeeping. Quick PSA, my children are here and it's going to probably sound like a herd of elephants walking up the stairs momentarily, as well as my 11-year-old upstairs making chicken nuggets and singing a little song to himself while he watches YouTube videos. This is my daily life. Welcome. Okay, housekeeping. I think I've mentioned this on my podcast before. My subbie and I are going to live full time in a 1986 camper and our launch date is roughly one year from June 10th-ish. So when our girls graduate, June 10th actually happens to be my stepdaughter's birthday, but June is, or the summer of 2022, is when we will be launching. We have one year to make our 1986 camper ready to go and as you know, if you listen, I live in Minnesota. So that means I have roughly five months and then once it starts to warm up next year, so maybe seven, we have to get ready when it's not make your face hurt fucking cold outside and ass deep of snow. So the pressure's on there. We have another camper that's actually at our house right now that we are renovating, fixing up a little bit. That one will go to our campground and reside there so that we can work on our 86 camper at our house during the week when we aren't at camp. Ooh, wish us luck. Little overwhelmed just thinking about it. I know we can do it. We're a great team, just a little nervous. Everything will work out, right? It will, we're good. On this week's episode, we are going to talk about some things that came to mind through conversations while I was doing massage at camp the last couple weeks. Two weeks ago, I went to camp by myself because my fantastic subbie stayed home with my 11-year-old and I went and did five, six. I did six massages. And as I've said before on here, I absolutely love interacting with people at camp. I love hearing people's stories. I love what they share of their life with me. It's just fascinating. So there's some topics that I just wanted to maybe give my input on and maybe, or just ask questions to you all. All my contact information is in my show notes and bear with me. I will get back to you once these audio books are done. But the first thing I want to talk about is swinging. Okay, we've talked about swinging in the past before, but I would like to talk about, well, I would love to hear input from anybody who listens to my podcast that is actively a swinger and get your opinions on this. We had discussions about the different types of swingers, what swinging means in different relationships, and how some people have all these rules and some people only have a couple rules. And from what I've gathered from everyone, everybody has their boundaries. And I think that, I mean, rules are boundaries. I guess they can be the same thing. Boundaries seem to me to have a little bit of give to them rules, maybe not so much. But for instance, some couples have pages and pages and pages of rules and other people have three. You know, maybe your rule is that you have to let your partner know where you are, which seems like a rule of safety. That almost seems like common sense. If you're going to go off and play or have sex with someone else, you should let your significant other know what's going on. If I was a swinger, I would want my subbie, which I don't know how well that goes together, but I would want my subbie to tell me where he was going. Or I think I would also want input on who he was sleeping with. I think I feel like I could have a say in that. I mean, obviously in the lifestyle we live, I would have a say in that and it would be fuck no to everyone. But I would be interested if there are swingers out there that listen to my podcast. What are your rules or boundaries and what has worked for you? One thing I have noticed, most of the swingers that I've encountered at My Happy Place have a fantastic foundation, have amazing communication. And I don't know that that's the case for all of them. I think that in every relationship there can be a struggle with communicating. But I would be curious when problems arise, does the communication change? It would seem to me in a heated argument or if somebody was hurt or jealous, which is another thing, just because you're swingers doesn't mean there isn't jealousy. I think that is still present because I think it's a human emotion. I think that how it's handled is significantly different. At least that's what I'm learning. I know I'm a jealous person. I know that I am not at a point where I could ever have some, or see my sub-EB with someone else. And that's not our dynamic right now anyway. And it may not always be that way. It may change. I mean, we keep evolving and growing in our relationship and things could change. And my perspective could change. I've noticed since I've been under a little bit of stress that some of my old habits and old programming is coming through and needs to be dealt with. But that's another topic. However, back on task, I would be curious. So let's say in hypothetical land that my sub-E and I were going to partake in swinging. Would I want to only play as a couple or would I want to just have the freedom for either of us to play with whoever we wanted to? And I think honestly, I would not want to watch where he probably would. I think I would want to do individual. And again, with the whole swinging thing or any type of even me playing, I'm at a point right now where I'm just, well, I'm so busy with what I'm doing. I'm not really even thinking about sex. I'm just trying to keep my head above water. But we're in hypothetical land. So let's go back because it's on there. Hypothetical land, my husband and I are swingers. I would not want to play as a couple. I would not want to watch him having sex with someone else. I would want to be able to play individually. I would want to say in who he sleeps with. I would assume he would want to say, oh, probably not. Knowing who he is, he probably wouldn't. He trusts my judgment. I don't know that anybody would really be a hard no. But in hypothetical land, it's hard to say. I don't know that we would have many rules if we were swingers. I mean, I don't have many rules now, so I can't imagine what rules he would implement. I don't know that I actually have any rules now that I think about it. Interesting. Well, there's a revelation. Another dynamic I'm always curious about and have had some interaction with at camp is introducing a third person to your relationship. So polyamorous, if it's dating. And one of the most common things that I have heard, I know I couldn't do it because I think when you introduce, well, maybe I could have a brother-husband. That might be kind of fun. I'm not opposed to that, maybe. The problem is, is I really, really, really love my subbie and I can't imagine loving anyone like I love him. That would be odd. He's my heart and soul. I don't know if I could do polyamorous. I think that's the correct terminology too. I'm not a hundred percent sure and if I'm wrong, somebody correct me, please. Okay, so back on track. Seriously, too much going on around my head. I'm interested in bringing that third person in and how that works for your dynamic and does gender matter? Like if I was going to be polyamorous, I would want it to be another male. I wouldn't, I don't think I would want another female. That's interesting. I would have to give that more thought. But I, my first instinct says male. I would much prefer to have another male, which I mean, considering the lifestyle I live, that would make sense, wouldn't it? It's interesting to see how a couple interacts with the third person. And I've seen a few different people and it's fascinating to me and I'm just in awe of the ability to love like that. Like it's equal and everybody, they just coincide well and they get together. I mean, they just interact well and it's very interesting and it really kind of gives me faith in humankind. Like, I don't, I guess I don't know how to vocalize kind of what I'm feeling. It makes me happy to see that. Take away like the sex part of it because immediately I think the love between those three people and I'm almost envious of how they coincide and how they coexist together. Again, there's my pre-programming like I grew up thinking you're only supposed to have one husband, one wife, one girlfriend, one boyfriend, whatever. And it is fascinating to me just to watch them interact and you can just see that they truly care about each other and I think that's really awesome. Which brings me to another topic. When you're swinging, does the gender of the person that you're swinging with matter? Here's why I asked that question. Okay, so hypothetical and again, my subbie and I are swingers. And is it more acceptable for a woman to be a swinger with another woman? And as I mean, do guys even really consider that swinging? Here's, here's why I asked that question. It seems like there's such a stigma attached to a woman being with a woman. Like it's just so fucking hot for guys to watch another girl with, you know, it's so hot for guys to watch girl-on-girl action, right? But then if it's something where a girl finds it hot to watch two guys, it's not hot. It's just gross. Why would you want to watch that? Like I've come into contact with a few people or I've interacted with a few people where they're swingers, but the wife is only allowed to be with other women and that spouse can be with the women too. But the spouse obviously isn't, doesn't want anything to do with being with another man and the wife cannot be with another man. I hope I'm articulating this well and I apologize if I'm not just the way I am today. I would like to see that go away. Like why does the gender of the person that you are interacting with have anything to do with the emotions attached to it? Why is a woman being with another woman less threatening to a man than the woman being with another man? Is that insecurity on the man's part? To me that seems like it would be what it is. And then also does that bring into question the foundation of the relationship? For instance, my subbie and I, I know that he loves me with all of his heart and no matter what happens, I'm always his person. And whether we were in the lifestyle or not, I would be taking that risk if I was living ordinary or normal, you know me and my fucking labels, I hate them, but just a normal everyday relationship. I, who's to say that my husband isn't going to cheat on me or find somebody else? I think in every relationship you just have to be confident in your relationship and know, like I think that my subbie knows that he is my heart and soul and there's nobody out there for me better than him and I truly believe that, I believe that he is my one and only, he is my soulmate and I think he feels the same way about me. And I think once you understand that, then the gender, if you choose to be part of the lifestyle, the gender of the person you or your partner is playing with shouldn't matter. Now, if you have a personal preference and you prefer not to see your partner play with somebody of a certain gender, perfect, that's your dynamic. The whole stigma of woman on woman is so hot and it's acceptable, but when it's two men, it's just not. I don't understand that. And more of what I'm referencing to on that is like, I feel like in the gay community, in the gay community, or people coming out as gay, it's more acceptable when a woman says I'm a lesbian than it is when a man says I'm gay. Like, why is that? Why does it fucking matter? It's so frustrating. Anyway, that's a whole nother tangent as well. I will say as of right now, my subbie and I, as far as I know, are the only ones at the campground that are practicing in FLR and currently practicing chastity or at least full-time chastity. I don't know of anybody else at the campground that practices chastity. I'm very excited to see what this camp season brings. I think it will be interesting to meet new people because next weekend is basically opening weekend. It's when everybody starts camping. We've been going for the whole month of May or when we can in May and even some in April. We spent I think one night there. But this is when it really kicks off Memorial Weekend. Everybody goes camping or camping season really starts and I believe the campground is sold out. So it will be interesting to see which means I'm going to have to push myself outside my bubble and be more social because right now my social life includes talking to you guys and I'm okay with that. But I really want to meet more people and talk to more people and learn more about people's dynamic because it's fascinating to me. I just like hearing about other people's lives and what made them choose like what makes you choose to be part of I mean what makes you choose to be part of the lifestyle? What take the sex out of it? Tell me what emotions brought you to this decision or if your partner introduced it, how was it introduced? Was it a fight? Was it hard to comprehend? I mean were you overwhelmed? I fucking was holy shit. It's just fascinating to me and I'm excited. I think this camp season is going to be an interesting one. There's a lot of new residents and I think that the campground is pretty busy this summer. I'm super excited to see the people I will meet in the conversations and I'll bring you all along with me. I would like to do as many episodes from camp as I can. I think it will be fantastic. Just kind of a recap. I would love to hear from people who listen if you are active in the swinging lifestyle or any lifestyle for that matter. What are your thoughts? What are your rules and boundaries? Share some of your life with me if you feel so inclined. I would love to hear about it. What are your thoughts on if you are a swinger? Does the gender of who your partner sleeps with matter? Do you have a preference? Anyway, next weekend, like I said opening weekend at camp and I have a hard goal set. I would like to, it may be rowdy, but I would like to interview people from camp or do a live episode somehow from camp and just bring you all in and let you see how fantastic these people are and how loving and just amazing humans they are. And maybe part of my mission will be to find out if there are any other female-led relationships or practicing members of chastity or practicing chastity people. How the fuck do you say that? I don't even know. I'm going to end this episode now as I have more recording to do. I just wanted to reach out to all and ask you my questions and just kind of chit-chat. It would be like coffee time with Miss Christine only if I drank coffee right now, I wouldn't sleep tonight. I hope you all have a fantastic week. Stay tuned for next week's episode. I think it will be fantastic and entertaining. Be decent human beings, take care of yourself and thank you all for all of your support. Everyone who has emailed me and been patient in me getting back to them, all of your kind feedback. I can't tell you how much that means to me and I honestly believe that I have gained a few friends via email because of my podcast whom I actually very much enjoy talking to. So thank you. You know who you are. Have a fantastic week everyone. Love you all.