0136 Female Led Relationships: 5 Ways to Build Your Domme’s Confidence in an FLR

///// RE-RELEASE /////

This week, I’m breaking down something that every submissive man needs to hear: how to actually support your Domme’s confidence in real life. Not through fantasy. Not with surprise cages. But with mindset, consistency, and actual effort.

We talk about what real submission looks like—not just the sexy bits, but the communication, daily service, trust, and selflessness it takes to make a dominant woman feel secure, respected, and in charge. I also share personal stories (including a little toy action from Lovense), a whole list of actionable submission ideas, and why “helping your dominant feel dominant” is not about what gets you off—it’s about what gets her empowered.

Whether you're in a new dynamic, trying to reset a stale one, or just here for the sass and stories—this one’s got something for you.

 What You'll Walk Away With:

• The difference between fantasy-led submission and actual service
• 5 non-tangible mindset shifts that build Domme confidence
• 5 tangible tasks that show love and strengthen FLR
• Why submissives are some of the strongest men out there
• How to build trust and security that leads to deeper intimacy

Questions This Episode Helps Answer:

• How do I support my dominant partner in an FLR?
• What makes a good submissive in real life?
• What does service submission look like day-to-day?
• What should I avoid doing as a new submissive?
• Is chastity required in a Female-Led Relationship?
• What are real-life tasks for submissive men?
• How do I build my wife’s confidence as a Domme?

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Transcript

0:50

Yes, it is quarter to 11 on Mother's Day and I am wearing the same shirt I wore last weekend on Sunday. But here we go. This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. If you're not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18. This podcast is meant solely for entertainment. We are not licensed doctors, lawyers or therapists. We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions. Welcome back, episode 36. Fucking crazy, still blows my mind. This week, we are going to talk about doing your part in helping your dominant feel dominant. But first, let me hit my vape and discuss some housekeeping issues. Holy fuck you guys, I gotta share this with you. So I'm recording late this week, which seems to be par for the course. However, I'm kind of glad I did this week. I got an alert that a deposit was made in my PayPal. I was like, what the fuck? Upon further investigation, it appears that my friends at Lovence dropped a few bucks in my PayPal. Turns out we've been making a sale or two for the past couple months. I had no idea. We were just about to give up on Lovence, so I'm super glad we didn't. That, by the way, is where we got the button game toy. As mentioned in episode two of my control podcast, the button game is where I shove nicely or not a toy up my subbie's ass. Part goes in his ass and part reaches forward to his balls, so it touches the ring of the cage. What's super cool about this toy is that I control it with an app on my phone. When I slide a couple little buttons up and down and a little side to side, it controls the vibrations in either part that is either in his ass or touching his balls or the cage. Either or. So when the part that's on the bottom of his balls vibrates, it vibrates the whole cage. And when I crank it up on both parts, it almost puts him on the ground. So of course, I have to share this game with my friends at camp, right? I mean, I shouldn't be the only one having fun with this. So huge thank you to Lovence and a huge thank you to the people who followed the link and bought toys for themselves. And I so want to hear about your experiences with them. Fill me in. I'm dying to know. The button game is probably my favorite in the entire world. So much fun. So much fun. All right, so let's dig in, shall we? Again, my fantastic subbie did some research. So part of this I will be reading. Part of it I will just probably be ranting or giving you my opinion, but he does very well. So do your part in helping your dominant feel dominant. In the spirit of Mother's Day, I wanted to direct some focus to my dominant women listeners. Hey, ladies, and thanks so much for listening. Fellas, I don't know if you realize how many DMs or emails from your kind that steamroll in saying, oh, goddess, I want to be your sub. Now, while that is flattering, that's not the way to warm me up. That's a full court press, guys. You may as well just send a pathetic dick pic and expect me to jump back at you with a, oh, please, can I spend endless emails getting you off? For fuck's sake, I don't have time for that. And if I did, I don't know that I would have an interest. I mean, I do enjoy getting people off with my voice. It's kind of my job, but I don't want to do it all day, every day. It'd be tiring. So here's the $5 million secret to wooing a female into being your dominant. Wooing, that's such a fun word. Be submissive. Let that sink in. Yes, submit to her. No, don't surprise her by putting on a pair of her panties. Don't go out and get a cage for your dick and surprise her. That makes it your fantasy, not hers. And about that, if you are foaming at the mouth about your fantasy, this is the wrong podcast. This is where we talk about an FLR, dominant woman, submissive male relationship as just that, a relationship, because that's what it is. And generally, it's a very healthy one. It can be a whole new way of life. This can be an everyday thing, not just a drunk Saturday night thing. However, those drunk Saturday night things can be kind of fun. There are tangible and intangible ways to submit to her and being able to settle into your place in the relationship. So let's talk about the intangible aspects first, because it's more about having the right mindset before anything else. The mindset is key. So key. The most important way to either introduce or reinforce a dom-sub relationship starts with the male. And I feel that in the most successful dom-sub relationships, I just winked. I don't know what the fuck that was about. So if you're watching this on YouTube, I'm not having a stroke. I don't know what it was. I might be tired. Okay, back to the topic at hand. The most successful dom-sub relationships, the male is happily and securely submissive. Touching on that quickly. Submissive does not mean you are a pushover or a pussy or weak. In fact, I believe true submissive males are some of the strongest males in the world. And I think I've said that before. Being a submissive is not for a weak person. So don't let some alpha male douche make you feel like you're less than a man because you serve your wife. It's very important to understand that because there is a lot of testosterone in this world. Do not ever let some fucking small dick energy guy give you a complex because you want to be submissive to your wife or significant other, whatever. There's nothing wrong with that. That's a touchy subject for me. Anyway, back to the topic at hand. Let's go over some non-tangible ways of submitting to the lovely woman in your life who, let's be honest, deserves it either way. Number one, this is probably the most important. She needs to know that she can openly and honestly communicate her thoughts and feelings without you pouting or blowing a gasket. This isn't about you boys. This is first and foremost. She needs to feel that she has a safe environment to not only communicate, but also assert her power over you. More on the latter later. Oh, that's like a tongue twister. That's a very important paragraph right there. Mainly the communication part in my opinion. I have so much trust in my subbie. I would literally tell him anything. I have no fear of telling him anything, no matter how weird or kinky or whatever I think it might be. I am never embarrassed to tell him anything, and I think that is a big part of me saying communication is key. You have to be comfortable. Okay. Number two, she needs to know that she is your focus. Chastity may have to play a part if jacking off is your focus. There's more to that also, but moving forward for now. Along with the focus, you need to make her feel like she's the most important human being in your life. My subbie's world revolves around me pretty literally. And listen, life gets in the way, and I totally understand that. Everybody's dynamic is different, but that's where the communication comes in. You have to know when it's a situation of, yes, his world revolves around me. However, there are times where we just need to be equals, work together and do this, do whatever it is, whatever task we're going at, we need to accomplish it together. I think there's different levels of that, I guess is what I'm saying. Number three, she has to feel that it is rewarding to you that you get to carry out her tasks for her. A thank you goes a long way, a long way. Confiding in her that it brings you joy and makes you feel purpose when you follow her orders, that builds even more confidence in her boys and confidence and perpetuate this whole thing. Confidence enables her to do things that you've only had in your wildest dreams. There's a lot in that, that is true, just in general life, like not even in a kink aspect. If you make somebody feel like they're truly appreciated, or if you truly appreciate someone and show them how much you truly appreciate them, it makes a world of difference. That's like almost HR 101. If your employees feel appreciated, they will work 10 times as hard for you. Number four, building off number three, even if a task or direction is difficult, or if you don't really feel like doing it, do it anyways. Do it anyways. You're not truly her submissive if you pick and choose what you do. The choice is out the window boys, but here's the hook. Those mindless to difficult tasks that are successfully performed lead to, guess what, confidence. And along with that confidence again comes reward. She may feel good about rewarding you or even spoiling you. And number five, building off number four, your use of the word no, or saying things like do I have to, will quickly destroy any and all confidence and sense of dominance in your beautiful woman. I get the brat aspect, I totally get it. However, if this is new to you or a new dynamic between you and your partner, I feel like maybe the brat aspect should wait. Wait till everybody's a little bit more comfortable in how things work, and then maybe test your boundaries if that's something that you are both into. Back at the task at hand. It will all collapse worse than a building coming down. Not only will you destroy your dom-sub relationship, but any form of relationship that exists after the dom-sub is gone, unless of course you are invoking a pre-negotiated right that's different. Go get the mail is completely different than go get the mail naked while the kids are playing outside next door. Does that make more sense now? I hope so. So those previous are the behavioral or non-tangible things that will help you both cultivate your dom-sub relationship. Communication and honesty are foundational, and play a key part in all of those. Remember, you could very well be asking her to step out into an unfamiliar place, and if she steps out there and isn't feeling confident, because it's never been a place or a role that she's been in, she will feel vulnerability at some level, even a dangerous level. And if you revoke her right to make the decision for you, you may never get her back to that place again. So very true. So just a little bit of insight on those. When communicating this with a partner, if it's a new dynamic you're doing, sit down, have an honest conversation. Honest conversation. I mean, and if that takes like a fucking glass of beer or wine or a shot of tequila, whatever your forte is, do it. But you have to be able to be honest with your partner and open about what you're talking about. Don't be embarrassed, and then decide if it's something you both want to try. However, be sure both of you are on the same page, and this isn't something that you're just doing to make your partner happy. If there isn't a solid foundation or someone is doing something they're not really into to make the other one happy, it's not going to end well. And it's possible too that this could be a position of an easy out or, I don't know, anyway. So let's touch on a few tangible or physical ideas that may be helpful in the journey that you are both embarking on. If your dominant woman has a thing for affection, touch her. If you have her permission, of course. This does not mean grope her, unless that's negotiated. Then grope away. What I'm talking about is touching your foot to hers when you're watching TV or a movie or something like that. Hold her hand, touch her arm while you are driving, sitting, or similar. Maybe graze your fingers across her ass in the kitchen or whatever. I like that, but make sure you're allowed to do that. Fun fact about me, I'm very much an ass and boobs woman. I love if I'm standing in the kitchen doing dishes and my subbie comes up and grabs my ass, or occasionally I'll be doing dishes and if the kids aren't around, I get a nice boob massage that I enjoy quite thoroughly and he knows that. It's things like that. It's the little things or if I'm sitting on the couch, sometimes he just rubs my feet out of the blue or rubs my thigh or whatever. Learn what your dominant likes and do those things, just out of the blue for no reason. Two, make her morning coffee, or in my case, he makes me a Celsius and brings it to me while I'm still in bed. My hubby has done this, but we are now typically in a different rhythm, so I do it myself and he has made up for that portion of it. He does make sure that we still do our morning shower routine and he makes sure that all of the things that... because I shower upstairs, but I keep my bathroom stuff in my room. Don't ask. I can't even fucking tell you. It's OCD or something. I don't know, but he carries everything I need for my shower, including my towel, loofah, whatever it is. He carries it all upstairs and if you've listened to past episodes, you know what our shower routine is, so that takes place and then he carries everything back downstairs and he makes the bed if I haven't done it already. If it's a weekend, sometimes he'll make me breakfast while I relax or sleep in. Sometimes if he gets home from work early enough, he will make supper. It's just he knows... oh fuck, especially with the homeschool shit right now. He just knows when I've had a rough day and he makes a very conscious effort to do what he can to make my days easier, even though his days are fucking hard too. We both have things going on during our day that make our day stressful, but he goes the extra mile and does the things that make my life a little easier because he's a good boy. Number three, along with number two, I want to add cleaning. Now, let's be realistic. I know that my subbie works 10, 12, 14 hours a day. I don't expect him to come home and clean the house because I sat on the couch and watched tv all day. Neither of those things happen, by the way. I would love to sit on my couch all day and watch tv. However, that is just not an option in my world right now. On his shorter days or even weekends, I do put him to work. As I've said before, I take care of the pretty much the inside of the house. He handles the outside of the house. I'm not opposed to butting into his to him working outside either though. I think it just depends. We have a lot of shit we have to get done for our goals that are coming closer and closer and closer and I'm beyond excited, but there's just things that need to be done. So, we just kind of know our roles. I mean, in honesty, the last month or two, we've probably led a pretty quote normal, unquote, hate that fucking word or non-traditional, just a traditional marriage. I mean, there's just so much going on right now. We obviously, I mean, he's obviously locked because that to me is traditional. That's my new traditional marriage. Lock your husband's dick up. That's traditional, but we know what we need to get done and we're just a good team. We just do what we need to do to get it done. However, he did do all the dishes today because he's a good boy. Number four, run her errands and if you have to pick up tampons, do it. Make sure that you buy what she has directed, pick up groceries, drop off checks, stop at the pharmacy. Save her time and hassle running errands and do them for her. Now, again, whenever this is possible, he absolutely does this for me. Ladies, you have to be realistic. I don't want to drive him crazy by not giving him any downtime because I do appreciate everything he does for me and my family or my kids, for our family, but when I have the opportunity, I will absolutely make him go pick up something for me or go get groceries or do something on the inside of the house. Nobody knows your partner like you, as it should be. So, you know your limits, you know your boundaries, you know when too much is too much and when they can handle more. Trust your gut. It knows. Number five. Oh, I like this one a lot. Spoil her. Yep, I said that. Spoil her. Now, this could range from surprising her with her favorite candy to a gift card to her favorite store and tucking a wad of hundred dollar bills in her bra. Okay, I'll explain that in a minute. Whatever spoiling her means, do it. Not only is she entitled to it, it's your privilege, boys. Privilege. I giggled at the hundred dollar bills in my bra because my subbie will sometimes do side jobs outside of his regular work and they will pay cash or whatever and he will come home and stick like a wad of hundreds in my bra and ask if he can get laid. Generally, the answer is no, but I mean it's a valiant effort. I appreciate his effort. Summing this all up, these type of relationships are all about her first and only until you get that point will you truly understand this relationship. The second you stop making this about your selfishness and make it about her selfishness, your world will begin to rock harder than you can imagine right now. Now again, my subbie did this for me so I'm very impressed with everything he put in here and I think it is a good insight from a submissive's point of view. Being a submissive, in my opinion, especially for my submissive, he truly gets joy and happiness from doing things for me and I think just the way human beings are in general, it's very hard sometimes for people to truly achieve happiness and joy from doing something nice for someone else without thinking what am I going to get in return or what is this going to get me. I think human beings by nature are somewhat selfish and I'm selfish to a point. I'm a people pleaser too, but the whole, if there's anything that you take away from this episode, I hope that it's one, you should never be embarrassed to talk about things that you're into with your partner. My subbie is my best friend and I can tell him literally anything and I think that's very important. I think that open communication is only going to lead to success and probably more kink than you could have ever imagined. Just being open and honest, also showing appreciation for your partner, both partners, dom or sub. I am very appreciative for everything my subbie does for me and I try to show him that as much as possible and I know that the public view of this type of relationship is we're all degenerates and it's all whips and chains and kink and I mean to him and I spin on him and I make him walk around the house naked or and listen if we didn't have kids that's entirely possible. However, I show him all the time how much I appreciate him and I do small things for him as well even though I am the dominant in our relationship because he's a human being overall, everything and I want him to understand how much I do truly love him and appreciate him and in return I get the same thing being a true submissive and being happy at being a true submissive. I think you need to take away the sex and the hoping to get laid or the you have to truly be happy doing things for your significant other. That's just my opinion. I hope you all enjoyed my rambling. I'm quite tired and I'm really hoping next week is a little less busy and I'm a little more organized. That is my goal. One fucking day at a time. That's all I can do. I appreciate you all. I appreciate everyone that is excited about the Monday drop and that's why I do what I do. I love putting this content out there for you all but I love all the support. I truly, truly, truly appreciate it. I can't even tell you enough it blows my mind. Blows my fucking mind and if anybody has questions please reach out. I promise you you will not never get a response. It just might take me some time but I love talking about it. I love answering questions and I love hearing your guys' stories. It makes me happy to hear about other people living such a successful healthy relationship in this lifestyle. Really makes me happy. So I hope you all, I hope all you moms had a fantastic Mother's Day. I did. It was nice spending time with my family. I hope everybody else got to enjoy that too. Human babies, fur babies, whatever it was. I hope all your moms had a fantastic day. I hope you all have an amazing week and I can't wait for next week's episode. I don't know what it is but it'll be fun. I promise. Have a fantastic week everybody. Love you all. Chat soon.