0134 Female Led Relationships: What Social Media Gets Wrong About FLR

/////RE-RELEASE/////

This week, I’m responding to all the commentary—good, bad, and WTF—that’s been rolling in across TikTok, Twitter, and everywhere else FLR gets people in their feelings.

From accusations of cheating and failed marriages to questions about my dynamic with my subbie, this episode is my uncensored take on the real emotional backbone of FLR—and why people who judge it probably don’t understand it (or are suppressing something themselves 👀).

I also talk about boundaries, confidence, and how turning 42 has completely shifted how I show up, speak up, and stop apologizing for who I am. Whether you're defending your lifestyle, struggling to take compliments, or just trying to own your truth—this one's for you.

What You'll Walk Away With:

• Why cuckolding doesn’t automatically ruin relationships
• The difference between healthy dynamics and escapism via kink
• How to respond to judgment from friends, strangers… even exes
• Why boundaries are critical—and how I’m finally learning to hold them
• A reminder that if you’re not hurting anyone, you’re allowed to live loud

Questions This Episode Helps Answer:

• Do cuckolding relationships last?
• Is FLR the same as cheating?
• Why do people judge nontraditional relationships?
• What are healthy boundaries in a kink-based relationship?
• How do I deal with internet trolls or kink-shaming?
• How can I confidently talk about my lifestyle without shame?
• How do I emotionally process exploring kink in public or online?

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Transcript

0:50

And then let me hit my vape because that's what the cool kids do, right? This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. If you're not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18. This podcast is meant solely for entertainment. We are not licensed doctors, lawyers, or therapists. We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions.♪♪♪Welcome back, episode 34. Yes, today we're just gonna go over some social media comments that I would like to talk to all of you about. But first, let's do some housekeeping, should we? This is gonna be an episode that's kind of all over the place, so buckle up. So it was a busy week and I got to spend some time with my family for my birthday. However, I did miss a meeting that I was supposed to have. And if you two are listening, I'm going to email you, but I am sincerely from the bottom of my heart, sorry. Last week was literally a blur and I totally spaced it off, that is my fault. Which leads me into what I've noticed I have learned since turning 40. Each year I notice some different things, but it seems like, I don't know if it was because there was a full pink moon or what, but this birthday has been pretty significant. I am taking the advice of my subbie and a friend of mine and in my personal bubble with people other than my subbie, I am trying to incorporate boundaries. I am learning that my life is crazy. And while I appreciate everyone who takes the time out of their day to listen to my podcast, because I really do, I can't tell you how much it means to me. Sometimes life gets away from me. And I'm trying to let go of the disappointment of feeling like I let you down. I'm a fucking hot mess, 90% of the time. Things are constantly changing, going in every which direction. This whole career path is new to me and I'm blessed and my fiver is blowing the fuck up. People want me to record audio books and podcast intro and outros and all these other things and I love it, but I have to figure out how to balance my time with two children in the house doing school. And I know I've said that before, but I'm not sorry. I'm me and this is how my brain works and I am constantly trying to improve, but it takes time. Again, I appreciate you all. You are all amazing and I'm so thankful you're here. I've also learned I really don't give a fuck what people think of me, which in turn leads me into what we're gonna talk about today. We're gonna talk about social media comments. As you all know, I am big on TikTok and Twitter, not big, but TikTok blew up this last couple of weeks. My followers increased by, I think, about 3,000 and came with that some comments. Oh, yes. I would like to address some common misconceptions that I think people have about this lifestyle. So let's dive in. Shall we? All right. So the main thing that blew up mostly on TikTok, it's all social media in general, not just TikTok. This is just generalized over all social media. I, as you know, we did a two-part series on cuckolding and apparently that is a topic that is very touchy and obviously not widely discussed. A lot of comments that I'm getting are, or things people are saying are that these relationships fail, nobody ever makes it past 10 years, nobody ever makes it past six years, whatever the case may be. It's basically cheating and that my husband is not man enough for me. Let me address this one first because this is kind of a hot button for me. Oh, and I also got one that said something about race, it's not for, and I think I might've brought that up on last week's episode. I don't understand that one. As far as these relationships not working for people, I understand that. They don't work for everybody. If going into this, your intention is being able to fuck someone else, it's going to fail. You, in my opinion, need to take away the sex aspect of it. Break it down to what it is about cuckolding, hot wiping, swinging, whatever it is. What about this type of relationship turns you on or makes you want to do it or makes you want to participate and take away the sexual part of it? What about it do you love? For me, my female-led relationship, I love it because it brings, I have so much more confidence. I'm more comfortable in my own skin. I have somebody that thrives on my fucking happiness. How is that a bad thing? He takes very good care of me. I also take very good care of him. Somebody said they didn't like when I called him my subbie. Well, he's my submissive husband. Subbie is the name I choose. I'm sorry if that isn't appropriate to you or you find it offensive. It is my life choice. I'm going to continue. As I've said so many times in the past, this is the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. If you are not communicating your real reasons for wanting to do cuckolding, swinging, anything like that, if it's simply because you just want to fuck somebody else or you're, here's what I think. I think it boils down to in the relationships that don't work out when they try, say, cuckolding, hot-wifing, swinging, anything like that, I feel like a big part of the failure is because there is no communication or one of the parties is unhappy and is looking for a way out and feels like this is a good way to say, oh, hey, I would love to experience this. You do it and then you're like, nope, it's not for me and now I want a divorce. I don't like that people automatically assume that this lifestyle equals failure because I know quite a few people who have been in this lifestyle for many years and are going on 10, 20, 25 years of marriage. You have to communicate with each other. You have to be honest about it. And in honesty, you have to take away the sexual part and really sit down and talk about the brass tacks of things because if you are doing this because deep down inside you are unhappy with your significant other and are looking for a way out, this fucking isn't the way. Don't do it. Everybody will get hurt and you make the lifestyle look terrible. Again, you make your own life choices. I'll make mine, but just my advice. Let's see. I will say that I appreciate the comments that I get saying that the lifestyle is interesting or they have questions for me or they wanna learn more. I love that. Like I've even had people comment that are like, this is not for me or weirdo or whatever. And I just respond, listen, this isn't for everybody and that's okay. Everybody has their own dynamic. Maybe I do cuckolding and you don't wanna do that. You would rather just swing or whatever the case may be. There's so many different dynamics in the lifestyle. You really just have to take your time to explore if it's something you're interested in. But I appreciate the people that comment that aren't judging or shaming. They may leave their opinion and that's fine, but they're respectful about it. And I appreciate the people that are able to do that. Just makes the world a better place. Okay, so I have to share this comment just because I fucking laughed so hard at it. So it's on a, I think it's on one of my episode 33, it's a TikTok. And this person posted, this is fucking fantastic. I have to share this. I was mauled by a groundhog last summer. It ambushed me from under my truck. Be aware of groundhogs. Like just completely out of nowhere. I laughed at that so hard. Somebody else said, even animals don't do that. So I don't, I don't understand some people. I just don't get it. I've also had people that have said they have a fantasy. Well, okay, so here's one situation. I had somebody make a comment on something that I posted somewhere. And it was something about being totally against it. And I'm not here, I'm not on any social media platform to start drama or I'm not gonna start drama to get views, likes, follows, any of that. That's not my goal. I have made a decision oddly enough in my, towards the end of my 41st year, coming into year number 42 of life, that I choose not to meet hate or judgment with hate and judgment. There are some things that have been commented on my social media that literally I just fucking fly off the handle at. Just pisses me off. I have learned to one, take a deep breath. Two, make sure I'm reading the comment correctly because there have been a couple where I had to read them out loud to my subbie and be like, what a fucking asshole. And my husband's like, that's not how they meant that. Here's how they meant that. So I really need to make sure I'm understanding how the comment is meant. And in any response that I make on any platform, I try very hard to just be kind. Thanks for sharing your opinion. I appreciate your feedback. These are my life choices. I'm happy with them. I assume you're happy with yours. Thanks for the comment. Move on. Like, I really don't know what else to do, but I have gotten a great response since I've started doing that. I'm not here to hate on people for things that they choose to do. I'm here to support people that need some help or just have questions about things that I could maybe guide them on. And my whole take on kink or this whole lifestyle that I live, any of this, I wanna take away the sex portion of it and really get down to the brass tacks of the emotions and what's involved and how emotionally this is going to affect you. I had a comment that said they had tried cuckolding and it was a gentleman, I believe he slept with his best friend's wife. It was a mutual decision and she loved it at first. The husband was not so much on board. I think if I could give one piece of advice to anybody who is thinking about trying out cuckolding, swinging, anything like that, be prepared for some hella emotions after that first time or the first time you play, no matter how much communication you maybe have before going into it, which I would recommend a ton. I think that after that actually, after the event actually takes place or the playtime has happened, it's very important for the two people in the relationship to really sit down, unpack how they feel, even if they don't feel like they should feel that way, but just talk about it, just literally like word vomit all over about your emotions, even if it seems insignificant in your head, spill it. Because the more honest you can be with your partner about what just happened and really listen to what your partner's saying to you, I think is going to provide so much more success the next time you play and maybe you choose never to do it again. But I think that honesty and communication very soon after it happens allows you to openly discuss everything and make sure that you're still on the same page. A lot of what I'm seeing is people are doing this, but they're doing it because their partner wants to do it and they're not really on board and they're pushing their emotions aside. That is never a good idea. And probably why most people believe that any type of relationship like this ends in divorce. We have friends at our happy place that we have talked to before about their first experience of swinging. And we've had people that said it went great or it was awkward. I suspect awkward because that's how it was for me, not in swinging, but in bringing a third person in or whatever. I think some people have a page, some people have a lot of rules going in. That's fine. I think that you have to go with the ebb and flow of how you're feeling after that first initial time. I think you need to figure out how important those rules are to you. I think you have to have boundaries. If you know something triggers you, make sure your partner knows that that's going to trigger you and figure out what works for both of you. Some couples have rules, some don't have many. Usually there's two or three that are boundaries that cannot be crossed. I see. Here's one that I just got about an hour ago. People like you should be exterminated. My response, thank you for the comment and your opinion. I feel like maybe you should have that anger issue checked out. Have a nice day. I think a lot of the mean comments, in my opinion, come from people who are into it deep down inside and don't want anybody else to know. So they have to make sure everybody knows that they hate it and they would never do it. And it's so wrong deep down inside. They're fucking kinky as shit. And that's okay to each their own. If you're not comfortable expressing, that's fine. I'm not dissing on people like that. All I'm saying is it's either fear of the unknown or deep down inside they're kinky sons of bitches and they just don't want anybody to know. One thing I'm not a big fan of either is when I get comments about, oh, I'm a black bull and I wanna spoil you. And if there's one thing that I can say to anybody who's listening to this, you are not going to get in my pants by telling me you're going to spoil me. It will never happen. My husband spoils me. It just won't, I have to have a connection and you can't lead off with that. It just doesn't work for me. I don't know if that matters to anybody, but a little fun fact about me. And as one of my listeners knows, no dick pics. So I suspect I'll be getting an email. One of my favorite people to talk to. You know who you are. A lot of these are the same. Fantasize, don't do it. It's okay to fantasize about it. Okay, FYI, I just noticed some of these. Also, anybody out there, I am a dominant. It's gonna be learn about Christine day. Enjoy everyone. I do not like to be hit. I do not like to be choked. I, to be honest, something else I've learned, I don't do well taking compliments at all. I am somewhat confident in myself for the most part. But if people give me compliments, I get all kinds of awkward. Like I don't know how to take them. I don't know, so I make weird faces or I don't change the subject or find something negative about myself. And that's something that I'm working on, but it's been that way my whole life. And for some reason in the last couple of weeks, it has really stood out to me. But somebody made a comment that they would love to hit me with a belt for about an hour. Well, guess what? It ain't ever gonna fucking happen because I don't ever wanna be whipped with a belt. And if anybody was gonna whip me with a belt, it would be my subbie. And how fucking weird is that? I don't know. It wouldn't just be a random stranger, that's for sure. Here's another comment that I got that I thought was funny. Somebody commented, your man will stab you. And I said, stab me with what? I might be on board with a good stabbing depending on the implement. Okay, I think that pretty much the main thing I wanted, the main thing I wanted to talk about today was just, one, it's okay if you don't understand how somebody else chooses to live their life. Just don't be a judgmental asshole. And if you have questions, ask. If people ask you questions about your lifestyle, if you're not comfortable answering, say, I don't care to talk about that with you, it's private. Send them my way. If I can help, I will. Or just be honest about what you want to disclose about your personal relationship. But if we could all just be kind to each other, imagine what the world would be like I mean, so I like to lock my husband's cock in a cage and tell him what to do. I'm not hurting anybody. Why do you have to be an asshole to me about it? And I understand fear of the unknown, but if you have questions, ask me, I'll tell you. I'll tell you what I want you to know. I'll give you the most information I can. I'm pretty open, open book. I fully suspect that as my TikTok or Twitter, all of that grows, my podcast listeners grow. I fully anticipate that some of my hometown people, possibly even my ex-husband is going to find this. And I have always been very concerned what my oldest son would say. And we kind of had a talk this weekend, not about this, just talking about how different people in the world are. And I said, you know, listen, you love me for who I am right now. So if you found out something I was doing in private that didn't affect you, would that make you love me any less? No, I don't think so. I remember he said that, it was my leading question. If you, just like my friends, they've been friends with me for years. And all of a sudden they find out that I lock my husband's dick in a cage and they no longer want anything to do with me. That's fine. Maybe it's the universe's way of saying it's time for you to not be in my life anymore because it's been this way for quite some time. And you've been just fine with me for all these years. Why does it change now that you know what I do in my private life? Same with my recording. I record erotic audio. I do erotic audio books. I also do regular audio books. I also do regular podcasts. Not me personally, but I'll do intros, outros, just the different services that I offer. I have both. And if me doing erotic audio makes you not wanna be my friend or be in my life, sorry. I mean, I think of it as a way that I'm bringing happiness to people. If that's in the form of jerking off, then so be it. I'm glad I could help. That's just how I feel about it. Just be good human beings and don't be judgmental. Everybody makes their own life choices and they pay for their own consequences. They don't need your help. Anyway, I just wanted to share some of my comments. I wanted to get something out. I'm sorry if this is a bit rambly. It's shark week again, which it seems like it's shark week every other fucking week in my world. Might have to have that checked out. Things are a little bit busy for the next few weeks with another driver's test for my stepdaughter. And I may have to go back to Missouri with a friend. So we'll just see what happens. But I really appreciate everybody who tolerates my all over the map personality. It's who I am. I'm working on the things that I know I need to get better at. And I appreciate the people that love me even though I'm a hot mess and usually the conductor on the hot mess express. I value all of you. Thank you for listening. If you want to email me and give me some ideas of what you'd like me to talk about, all my contact information is in my show notes. I love you all. Thanks for listening. Be good human beings. Have a fantastic rest of your week and you will hear from me soon. Mwah.