0127 Female Led Relationships: FLR + Swinging = Cuckolding?

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Time for a little kinky math—because if you’ve ever wondered how swinging and a female-led relationship intersect (and whether that equals cuckolding), this episode is for you.

This week, I unpack the differences between swinging, FLR, and cuckolding, all through the lens of my own experience—because real-life dynamics never quite match up with the textbook definitions. We talk about boundaries, labels, communication, and why you should NEVER let anyone guilt you into a dynamic that doesn’t feel good in your gut.

Whether you're solo-curious, navigating a long-term marriage with a new kink spark, or just overwhelmed with all the “am I doing this right?” energy—pull up a seat. We're going to break it down, laugh a little, and remind ourselves that there’s no wrong way to do kink if it works for you and your partner.

And yes, I finally nailed the title on the first try. Progress. 

What You'll Walk Away With:

• The difference between swinging and cuckolding in a female-led context
• Why labels can be helpful... and totally overwhelming
• How communication shapes everything in your dynamic
• What a “customized” FLR really looks like in real life
• How to ease into play with others without losing your mind

 Google-Friendly Questions This Episode Answers:

• What’s the difference between swinging and cuckolding?
• Can a female-led relationship include other partners?
• What if I’m jealous but still turned on?
• Do all FLRs involve chastity or dominance?
• How do I define my own relationship dy

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Transcript

0:52

One, two, three. Oh, I don't know if I'm supposed to say three. Oops. This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. If you're not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18. This podcast is meant solely for entertainment. We are not licensed doctors, lawyers, or therapists. We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Welcome back, episode 27. Swinging plus FLR equals cuck holding. or does it? So today, we're going to do some kinky math. But first, housekeeping. I want to say thank you for all of the kind comments I have been receiving regarding the family issues we've been going through the last few weeks. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. You know who you are. You're awesome. Thank you. Shout out on all the feedback on Twitter for last week's episode. It was a question and answer session. And if that is something you want more of, hit me up on Twitter and let me know. I had a fucking blast doing it, and I would love to do those more often. This weekend, my strawberry bestie and I are headed on a short road trip. And while I wish the circumstances were much different, I am excited to have some time with her to just talk or, you know, catch up. Maybe we can listen to a good podcast. Any suggestions? We have eight hours of drive time one way. So this is going to be a hell of a trek, but I'm excited. Oh, the conversations we will have. All right. Short and sweet housekeeping this week. Let's dive into some kink math. And as you know, if you listened last week, and if you haven't, shame on you. Go listen. I struggled with this topic title quite a bit. Sometimes like I struggle with math. I kept wanting to add chastity to it. And there really isn't chastity in that title. Just wasn't in the mix. But clearly my mind in my mouth had a different idea. And I just love chastity. So the topic today is swinging plus FLR equals cuckolding. Or does it? Look at that. First try. Where was that last week? So let's break this down a little bit. What is swinging? This is the definition or definition, whichever. This is the definition in the Urban Dictionary. A lifestyle of non-monogamy where sexual relations occur outside the established couple. Swingers often engage in the activity. So they can't say sex. Anyway, as a couple. Let's talk about that a little bit more in depth, shall we? You all know how I feel about my labels. And this one is very much like saying you're a swinger or the label swinger is a very vast, has a very vast meaning. It's like saying that you're in the lifestyle. It could mean just about anything. There's so many variations of swingers. And just like other labels, being a swinger, take that out. Now, don't get me wrong. I understand the ease of using labels sometimes. It's so much easier to just say, Hey, I'm a swinger. If somebody asks, rather than saying, well, we play with other people, but here's our rules and our guidelines. And this is the only way that we do it. And I totally get the ease of it. However, when I was a newbie, I will tell you these labels fucking overwhelmed me. And what I mean by that is there's so many labels for everything. There's so many different, I don't, niche maybe isn't the right word, but there's so many fucking different avenues of swinging. And if you tell somebody you're a swinger, a lot of times you get a judgment immediately, depending on who you're telling. I just think there's a lot of judgment attached to a lot of the labels that are used in the kink community, like for the vanilla community or in my besties case, strawberry, whatever the case may be. I, I think when you use a label like that, there's just judgment because they don't understand. They don't know what being a swinger is. Okay. Let's discuss some different variations of swinging that I know about personally. And I will tell you the best education that I have gotten, seriously, I keep bringing this up because camping season is coming and I am itching to get in my camper and out of my clothes. The people that I have met at camp are so open and honest about things. And so nice about answering questions if I have questions and it's just fascinating to learn. I fucking love it. So here's what mostly I learned while being at camp the last couple of years for different variations of swingers. So if I was to classify myself and my subbie as a swinger, our relationship would be that he is not able to play. I can play. He does not have to be there while I'm playing. However, I prefer it. I want him there during any activity, just because it makes me feel comfortable. That maybe won't be that way forever, but that's where I'm at right now. There are couples that are swingers that both parties have to play. So the husband and wife have to play with another husband and wife or whatever variation you choose. Sometimes they want to be in the same room. Sometimes it doesn't matter if they're in the same room. I've met a couple where they only play with other couples and they need to be in the same room. And if I remember correctly, that had something to do with a safety issue. So don't ever let anybody make you feel bad for boundaries that you have set. If that is what you have set for your standard of swinging, do not back down. You do you. You have to do what makes you comfortable. Who wants to have sex if they're uncomfortable? Who wants to just even have a play session if you're uncomfortable? You're not going to enjoy it. Now, some couples, they can go play anywhere. The other couple doesn't even need or the other person doesn't even need to be there. However, for instance, I know a couple that they can play with pretty much whoever they want. Just a common courtesy, you let your partner know that you're going to play with somebody else. And that again, I think comes back to a safety issue. You want to know where your partner is and what's going on and just be checking in so that they know you're OK. And any type of swinging relationship requires good communication. You have to have good communication because once you bring a third person into your relationship or a fourth or whatever the case may be, you can't really ever take that back. And sometimes it can cause a real divide. So again, communication is key. Now, my subbie and I, I said that he isn't allowed to play. However, that's not necessarily true because if I was playing with another man, I would, I mean, it would be my discretion. I get to choose if he gets to join or not. But I would let him if I chose him. So basically, I'm a jealous woman and I don't want, God, I just can't imagine seeing him with another woman. It may not always be that way as I grow and evolve, which is my goal every day. But as of right now, I don't want to see him with another woman, but I don't, I think it's fucking hot with another man. So that's just our preference. That's where we're at right now. Um, Ooh, there's my other favorite word. Um, so see, um, so basically swinging is playing with other people or bringing other people into our relationship. Easiest definition. Just make sure your communication is open. You set your boundaries, whatever you're happy with and what makes you happy in a play session. As long as you have your boundaries, fuck everybody else. Do what makes you happy. Obviously consent is a huge part of that. Okay. I'm rambling. Sorry. Time to move on. Female led relationship or FLR. Here's the Urban Dictionary definition. Urban dictionary defines this as a model for romantic heterosexual fucking hate that word relationship in which both parties agree that the woman will act as the leader and ultimate authority. If the participants are married, the arrangement may be termed female led marriage, FLM or wife led marriage, WLM. That whole definition, I shouldn't say the whole definition, but the beginning of that definition, it fucking irritates me. And I don't know why, I mean, I know why, but why the fuck does heterosexual have to be put in there? I don't understand that two women could be in a relationship and the, and be in a female led relationship. Why does it have to be heterosexual? Why can't it just be a model for a romantic relationship in which both parties agree that one person will be the leader and ultimate authority? Now, don't get me wrong. I understand that it's a female led relationship, but I don't know. That word heterosexual just really triggered a pissed off reaction in me. I don't think it needs to be there. Just my opinion. I feel like most of you listening know what a female led relationship is, but if you are new here, let me give you a quick summary about mine. And if you aren't new here, let the repetition begin. My subbie and I have been married for just over four years, been together almost seven. He introduced me to pretty much everything kink, other than, you know, my little fourth grade ball kicking, but you'll have to listen to other episodes if you don't know about that. I am a small town girl born and bred. I was a little put off by the lifestyle at first, but adjusted quite nicely. Like every relationship, we had our bumps in the road. Um, you always have little obstacles here and there, but I can honestly say I have never, ever felt more loved by anyone in my life. And I truly believe that my husband is my soulmate. Also, the level of communication in our relationship is fucking mind blowing. It is better than any other relationship I have ever been in ever. So yes, my famous line, communication is key. So that's a little bit about my female led relationship. Female led relationships can have wide varieties of how they work. It's very custom to the couple. You have to decide what works best for you. Do you want to be full on in control? Like I did an episode where there was one couple, the wife had a power of attorney, had control of all the money. All of the assets were in her name, everything. I mean, she literally was in control of everything. Perfect. If that works for you, perfect. Run with it. If that's not the type of dynamic that you're looking for, I think, I think people get a little overwhelmed when they hear about a female led relationship. And my other key phrase, it's all about your perspective. Your relationship can be whatever you want it to be. And you have to look at it as so maybe your submissive does control the money, but he controls that money because you have given him that job. So basically, you're still in control. You have told him that you want him to handle that. So you're still the dominant party. You're just designating tasks to him. You don't have to be in control of everything. You can delegate. It's perfect. It's a win-win. You have to decide what's best for you and your submissive. End of story. So that's kind of an outline of, or kind of talks about, I mean, FLRs are very, and here's that word again, niche. I mean, you have to figure out what works best for you. They're very individualized in my opinion. So let's talk about cuckolding. Urban dictionary definition. When a man watches his wife or girlfriend have sex with another man. So would this not be another variation of swinging? Kind of. When I think of cuckolding, I think of my subbie having less than average male genitalia, little weenie, and me wanting more than what he has to offer. When I think of swinging, I think of sex for fun with other people. Again, it's all about perspective, but it's true. When I think of cuckolding, I think of my subbie completely naked in a cock cage and watching me get fucked by a real man the way he can't. When I think of swinging, I think of, I mean, honestly, I think of all of, I think of my husband and I both playing with another couple, which, I mean, if it was another couple that was both men, that's entirely possible for my preference, just as we discussed. So to come full circle, swinging plus FLR equals cuckolding. Kind of, maybe. I don't know if there's a real definite answer. I think you have to make your own assessment much better. I would say no, because when I think of cuckolding, I think of an entirely different scenario, environment. Honestly, humiliation comes to mind immediately for me. I associate cuckolding with humiliating my subbie, which we enjoy. That could be different for, I mean, that could be different for you. That could be different for whoever. I think you just have to really, honestly, it comes down to you doing what makes you happy, what makes your partner happy, what makes you have a healthy relationship that you're both enjoying. At the end of the day, it's about you and your partner and what you enjoy. And don't ever fucking let anybody make you feel bad about it. I will say, back to the labels thing a little bit. When I first started, I was fucking overwhelmed as hell with all those labels. Like, I felt like I had to check off all these boxes to even use that label for myself. I don't think that's right. If you want to label yourself as something, do it. You can have subcategories to that label if you want. If you, for instance, I participate in cuckolding. I want my subbie there. I want him to participate if I so choose. Maybe somebody else who does cuckolding doesn't do it that way, but they still do cuckolding. They still participate in cuckolding. I think really the labels are there for the ease of explaining it to somebody should they ask about it. Or for the interest of this podcast, it makes it a little bit easier for me to kind of explain what I'm talking about because I have these names or these labels. I just want people who are new to this or just entering into the kink lifestyle to know anybody can do this. It can be any variation. It doesn't have to be whips and chains all the fucking time unless that's what you're into and that's what you want. You determine what you want to do with your kink. You determine how you want to practice kink. You determine how you want to be in the lifestyle. There's people that are at our campground. It's a lifestyle clothing optional campground. There's people that come there simply because they like to be naked. Perfect. I love it. There's people that are there that come there specifically because they want to swing. They're interested in swapping partners or whatever the case may be. Perfect. You just have to have an open mind and you have to know what you want. Don't be afraid to explore different things. I know better than anyone. It can be very scary and your first time doing anything with another person that is not your partner can be very overwhelming and make you extremely anxious. But one thing I have learned and again this is different for everybody. I have no emotional attachment to anybody that I play with. Essentially they are a human vibrator for me or a human toy. Instead of having batteries they have a heartbeat. That might be demeaning and that might not be the way that everybody looks at it but for me personally I have to take the emotion out of it or I would never be interested in playing because I love my subbie and all of my emotion is attached to him. But that doesn't mean you can't enjoy sex with somebody else. Sometimes getting over that hump is a little bit hard. That was kind of punny. Getting over the hump is hard for the hundredth time. Do what makes you happy. And my rambling session needs to end because I need to get on the road. But I appreciate everybody who has hung in there with me through these last few weeks that have just been a hot mess. I keep saying it but I can't tell you how much I appreciate you guys taking the time out of your day to listen to my podcast and then on top of that taking time out of your day to give me feedback or tell me that I've helped. It just makes my heart happy. I'm so glad you are all here and I hope you all have a fan-fucking-tastic week and I love you all. Talk to you next week.