0125 Female Led Relationships: How Spanking Can Be Therapeutic in Power Exchange Dynamics

///// RE-RELEASE ////

Let’s talk about spanking—again. But this time, I’m coming at it from a totally new angle that honestly blew my mind a little.

In this episode, I’m digging into the idea of spanking as therapy (yes, you read that right). A recent conversation with my camp bestie got me thinking, and then I stumbled across a 2020 article that laid it all out—turns out, spanking can do a hell of a lot more than just sting. It can actually help you reconnect, release stress, and even heal. 💥

I also share some raw thoughts about using spanking as punishment vs. pleasure, how I’m navigating this dynamic in a full house with kids and zero bedroom door (seriously, send help), and why I’m learning to embrace these moments as something deeper than just kink. There’s some personal stuff in here too—coaching updates, self-doubt spirals, and the reminder that I’m learning right along with you.

Whether you’re new to FLR or trying to evolve your play with purpose, this one’s all about perspective—and maybe a sore butt. 😉

💡 What You'll Walk Away With:

• Why spanking isn’t always about punishment or sex—it can be emotional release
• The difference between play, discipline, and therapy in your FLR
• How to physically and emotionally prepare for a spanking session (hint: warm up first!)
• Tips for rhythm, positioning, and aftercare that actually matter
• Real talk about emotional weight, childhood conditioning, and reclaiming power in intimacy

❓ Questions This Episode Helps Answer:

• Can spanking actually be therapeutic?
• What’s the difference between p

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Transcript

0:55

This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. If you're not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18. This podcast is meant solely for entertainment. We are not licensed doctors, lawyers, or therapists. We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions. Welcome back. Episode 25. And if you're watching this on YouTube, please ignore the ring light glare in my glasses, but I can't see shit these days. This week, we are going to talk about spankings, play, or punishment, or both. But first, let's talk about some housekeeping. I've had a few coaching clients so far, and this week one ended the coaching service with me due to family issues. However, I did get some fantastic feedback and I was told that talking to me really opened the lines of communication in their marriage. The client did not get the results they were looking for from their spouse, but was satisfied with the fact that their lines of communication had opened up. I greatly appreciate feedback. Of all sorts. Obviously, I don't care for the negative, but if it is something that will help me be better at what I'm doing, I wanna hear it. If it's you telling me I have two chins, fuck off, I'm aware. But I seriously, I love the feedback that I get, and this feedback specifically really made me happy. Even though the goal was not reached in the end, my client was satisfied with the lines of communication and feels like it might be a possibility down the road. This lifestyle isn't for everybody, but I think there's different areas of it that you can absolutely work into your relationship to give you some fulfillment in that goal, even though it's not the full-on goal you wanted to reach. But you have to work as a team with your partner. That's the biggest thing. And open communication is one of the best ways to work as a team. On the family note, last week was turned a little upside down for me and my husband. I wasn't able to post on any of my social media. It was just a rough week. And I'm just asking for some grace from my followers because this is a whole new journey for me. And I know I keep saying that, but this doubt just creeps into my brain space sometimes. And I love what I do, but sometimes my self-esteem isn't the greatest and I second-guess everything. And I try not to let it affect me, but sometimes it just creeps in. I am not perfect, not even close, but I love helping people and I love what I do on here. So I'm not going anywhere. It just might be a little bumpy sometimes. Thanks for hanging in there. Okay, enough housekeeping. Let's get into some spankings. I did some research on this topic and I've had this conversation with some of my listeners and a friend of mine from camp. Obviously you all know, or maybe you don't if you're new here, and if you are, welcome. I have a lot of people in my house, kids, mom, dogs, and no bedroom door, which I'm really hoping will change this upcoming weekend. So spanking for us is somewhat challenging because it can be quite loud, depending on the tool or my subbie, who can also be quite loud. I also have some struggles with spanking as a punishment. How is this a punishment if your sub enjoys getting spankings? And would this not encourage them to behave badly just to get the punishment? Well, guess what? In researching this, I found an article that was published in September of 2020, so pretty recent, that talks about spanking therapy. I will have a link in my show notes if you want to check it out. I found it quite interesting that I found this article because during a discussion last week with my camp bestie, so yes, that is two besties, my strawberry bestie and my camp bestie. There shouldn't be any more, I don't think. Anyway, she mentioned with all the stress that my subbie has been under with his family stuff, house stuff, money stuff, whatever, that maybe I should just lay him on the bed and spank it out. I found this really odd at first because it didn't make sense to me. I didn't have the right perspective. But once she explained it a bit more, it made sense. Totally changed my perspective altogether. And then I came across this article, which leads me to believe that this is something I should talk about. So here we are, talking and learning together. The therapy perspective is one that I had never considered when thinking about spanking. As we discussed a couple weeks ago when we were talking about CBT, cockball torture, spanking also releases the oxytocin, dopamine, and adrenaline. Which are, as you know, the feel-good hormones. The article says, and I quote, when you're feeling flattened by life, spanking therapy can be a way to remind you of the fullness of your humanity and the joy of life. It can bring you back to your inner fire. That's fucking interesting to me, to look at something that is considered a punishment in most aspects to be therapy. But it very much coincides with what my camp bestie was saying. By me taking control of the situation and making my subbie lay down and just let me spank him, gives him a chance to focus on the moment and give him an opportunity to feel that tingle in his skin and the warm sensation that comes after the spank. Maybe it will just help him feel alive again, get the blood flowing. It's just been a rough week. I would never have looked at spanking this way. It was a shock to me. In a way, it could be therapeutic for me as well. I mean, I could get out some of my aggressions with these fucking kids, which don't get me wrong. Like I said, I love my kids, but fucking homeschooling. God, teachers, I love you all. You're my favorite human beings. But it would give me an option to work out some of my frustrations. And as a couple, it would be great therapy as well because it gives us a moment for us to just be together. In that moment, just him and I and all those good hormones that are being released. Because it works for me too. I sometimes forget or not forget, but sometimes I get lost in the daily stuff. And I feel like I don't have as much control as I should. And I think this is a good way to bring me back to where I want to be. I just, I totally get the therapeutic aspect now. It's just crazy. I have a whole new outlook on spanking. As I was doing my notes and outline for this episode, I was talking to my subbie because I kind of wanted to get his thoughts on it and see where he was at. And this is from his perspective. He told me that when he was a child, he was whipped with a belt as a consequence for something. And that has stayed with him his entire life. It also made him see his father as being the authority figure, obviously. Since meeting me and the development of our relationship, he wants to take the memories and the belt out of his father's hand and put it in mine and replace those memories of his father being the authority figure and give that authority to me. Thus, adding another level or going deeper into our FLR marriage. I was like, holy fuck, that's deep. I never looked at it that way. It was fascinating to hear his thoughts. Something as seemingly simple as spanking really holds some weight or well-being benefits. I think for me personally, this would be a good way to differentiate spanking punishment with spanking pleasure. So let me explain. So if the spanking is a punishment, the position that my subbie is in while receiving the spankings could be an uncomfortable position. The spankings could be more aggressive maybe or harsh, I guess. Whereas if I was doing it for pleasure, they would probably still be aggressive because I don't, I just like to hit him. I might be wrong, but I like it, you know, but he enjoys it, we're good. Another interesting thing to consider where spanking is concerned, because as I said, I've struggled with the aspect of using it as a punishment because I feel like my subbie enjoys it and will just act up to get a spanking. But as I was reading this article, one of the questions was, is it always sexual? My first thought is no, and the article agrees. But if it was for a reward or if it was for pleasure or a part of playtime, I think my spankings would be aggressive, but I think the aftercare and the touching involved would be much more sensual and erotic, maybe. And in addition, if it was a pleasurable session and not a punishment, I think I would make sure that his positioning was more comfortable. I guess it would depend on what we were doing. But I have to say, for us personally, I think that my subbie would most definitely know the difference between a punishment or pleasure session. As far as a therapy session, I'm not quite sure how that would look yet, being as I've never really given any thought prior to now to spanking being a therapy. I would be interested if anybody has any thoughts on the therapy aspect of spanking. Let me know your feedback. I have a rough idea of what I would do just from reading this article and my conversation with my camp bestie, but the stupid-ass self-doubt that I get when trying something different sometimes creeps in, and I second-guess myself. Let's dive in a little bit to how to spank, just because I think it's useful information. In case someone is new to this, I like how the article breaks it down. Here's what they say. Think of each cheek as being split into four quadrants. The lower innermost quadrant is the most sensitive. This is where the spanker will aim for the greatest response. But you need to give the body and the bottom a chance to warm up to the sensation first. This was interesting to me because as a massage therapist, I think it's important to warm anything up before you go aggressive on it. I mean, anything you're doing, you should warm up to it first. But you can't go into a cold muscle and just start digging away at it because the body's going to be like, fuck you, get out. It's going to try and kick you out of there. I think there has been a time where I... I think my subbie was just laying on the bed after a shower or something, and I slapped his ass, and I slapped it harder than I was trying to. Apparently I'm stronger than I know. And he was like, I mean, he yelled really loud. It was bad. So, lesson learned. Warm it up first. Gentle little taps maybe. Rub the skin a little bit. Get the blood flowing to the surface. Be much more pleasurable for everyone. Also, from personal experience, there was this guy that is from my hometown and every fucking time he saw me, he would slap my ass. Every time. Okay, not every time. Probably almost every time I saw him. Usually there was alcohol involved. He used to do this to my strawberry bestie as well. And one night in particular, he slapped slash spanked my ass so fucking hard, I literally could not catch my breath for probably a minute. It's like when you jump into freezing cold water and you just cannot catch your breath. It's fucking, you're just, you just can't breathe. It was like 30 seconds to a minute of that. And the pain was fucking horrible. It was horrible. My ass was sore for quite some time after that. There was absolutely nothing enjoyable for me in this. At all. Warm up the fucking area because it fucking hurts if you don't. You may get a very unpleasant reaction that you don't like. Also, if you're new to spanking, this article suggests that you should probably start with your hand until you are a little bit more comfortable and feeling ready to advance to the next tool. It does say silicone paddle will equal kind of a stingy reaction where a wood paddle equals a thud. It also, the article also talks about getting into a rhythm. That rhythm is important in spanking. I don't know if we've had a full-on spanking session, so I can't say if we got into a rhythm, but I can see where the rhythm part of it is important. This article also talks about setting up a scene. The beginning is the scene negotiation, the middle is the spanking session, and the end is the aftercare. As some of you are probably realizing, we are not overly organized because everything around us is a chaotic mess and we own our own responsibility in that. I'm not putting it off on anything, but everything's pretty fluid in our life, especially right now. But I think it's important to have your scene negotiated. Boundaries set up, everything laid out. Now, my subbie and I are kind of different that way. I mean, we have really good communication, but he can sense if I'm irritated about something. He can feel the energy coming off of me, and obviously he's very observant and can gauge my body movements or body language. He knows when something's irritating or if I'm irritated. I don't know if my subbie and I have ever participated in a full-on scene just because we don't really have the privacy to do that. As far as aftercare goes, aftercare is very important. This article, probably any other article that you read, books, anything like that is going to tell you that aftercare is important because all those good hormones you had that big rush and coming down from it, it's important to have some time where you guys are in the same space and chatting about how you're feeling and how things are going and things like that. I think it's very important. You need to have communication as part of aftercare. Check in with each other. Make sure you're doing okay. As always, you should do your own research and figure out what you are most comfortable with. Open communication with your partner is always important. You can participate in spanking alone as well. The article talks about that a little bit. You should check that out if that's something that you're interested in. I appreciate everyone hanging in there with me. I am not sure what next week's topic will be about yet. I will probably post a poll on my Patreon. I'm really trying to get better at that. But, I love you all. Thank you so much for hanging in there with me. I will talk to you next week. Take care and be a good human being.