0114 Female Led Relationships: A Deep Dive into Male Chastity

/// RE-RELEASE ///

Let's dig into the intriguing world of male chastity dynamics, with a focus on the my journey through personal experiences and personal insights. I have a passion for exploring non-traditional relationships and power dynamics, and I have spent years researching and living this alternative lifestyle, bringing my perspective of knowledge to the table.

In this episode, I unpack the complexities of male chastity relationships, examining keyholder responsibilities and the balance between love and control. I guide you through essential aspects like consent, communication, and safety, offering personal anecdotes and professional insights to enrich the conversation. With resources such as "Denying Thumper" and "Crime and Punishment: A New Keyholder's Guide," this episode provides a comprehensive understanding of chastity dynamics.

This episode is essential listening for anyone interested in power dynamics, alternative relationship structures, and the psychological depths of keyholding. It challenges conventional views and offers practical advice on navigating chastity agreements, making it invaluable for both novices and those with more experience in the lifestyle. Dive deep into the art of balancing love and obligation while prioritizing well-being and mutual understanding.

References:

"Denying Thumper"
"A Keyholder's Guide"

Listener Questions:
1. What are the key responsibilities of a keyholder in male chastity relationships?
2. How can I effectively communicate with my partner about boundaries and consent in chastity dynamics?
3. What resources are a

Get 30 Days of FREE Starlink!!  (<<<<<<CLICK/TAP!!)

Lovense brings tech to the bedroom with high quality sex toys that can be controlled via bluetooth at close range, or through the app across the world!

Find out more HERE!

Transcript

Krystine: 0:51

I have cramps, ouch. This podcast is intended for mature audiences only If you are not 18 years of age or older. There are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18. This podcast is meant solely for entertainment. We are not licensed doctors, lawyers or therapists. We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions. Episode 14. Episode 14. Whoop, whoop. Episode 14 is going to be called Rules of Engagement. We're going to talk about different rules that you can put in place when you're practicing chastity Male chastity in my world, housekeeping issues, housekeeping issues, housekeeping. Hey, to all my Lake Stevens peeps, you guys are once again at the top of my download list, so thank you, you guys are fucking awesome. So the last few weeks we've gone over facing your fears what could go wrong. This week we're going to talk about rules. We're going to talk about different rules you can implement into your relationship, about different rules you can implement into your relationship. And because I am also new to this not super new, but I'm still learning. I'm learning every day, as should everybody be. Learning is amazing. I did my own research this week and by I did my own research this week, I mean I had my subbie find me articles that he thought was interesting and would be worthwhile. So today I am going to share those with you and I'm going to give you my opinions on them. I'm also going to link everything below, because I'm going to skim over some of these. Give you my opinions. If you want to look more in depth, you should absolutely check out the show notes, click the link and read them yourself. I think these are great, great articles. The first one we're going to talk about is a blog, which it's interesting because last week I said there's not many men out there blogging about their chastity experiences. Maybe I was naive. Maybe there's not many men out there blogging about their chastity experiences. Maybe I was naive. Maybe there's more of you out there than I knew. First one it's called Male Chastity Devices Chastity and Bondage Store Australia, and the article that I am going to be going over today is the Ten Commandments of Male Chastity, so, oddly enough, the first one on here. Number one says your keyholder is your owner and, as such, they own every part of you and your body and, in return, you must love and obey them. Your keyholder is entitled to determine which parts of your body are used and when they are used. With this in mind, your owner has every right to secure your penis in some form of a chastity device that both of you choose. Your owner may lock you up at any time they choose and for however long they deem necessary. Now, there's a couple different aspects of this, because there is the relationship aspect of it, but there's a whole other area of discussion that can take place. For this you have your, for instance, me and my subbie, and then there's also the professional side of this. There are men out there that would like to participate in chastity but don't have someone that is willing to participate with them. So there are remote keyholder services. There's a huge I mean, that's a whole other topic and could probably be an episode in itself. However, you can enter into a contract with someone and they can be your key holder. You need to be very specific on what you're looking for. On that note, for the professional side of it, the rules are going to be different than in the relationship aspect. Obviously, if you're being a remote key holder, more than likely there's not going to be any sexual interaction, there's not going to be any intercourse, things like that. Now, again, like I say, with relationships everybody's dynamic is different. So maybe you're remote key holding for somebody that you are close enough to that you could have sexual intercourse or relations or whatever. So the loving and obeying in this first rule is really going to depend on what you're participating in. I think if it's a professional remote key holding situation, there probably isn't going to be the love aspect situation. There probably isn't going to be the love aspect. I haven't participated in a remote key holding situation where I was in love with the person. And in my relationship personally with my husband, our dynamic is that I love him. I'm not looking to love someone else, I'm in love with him. That is a dynamic of our marriage. That is just for the two of us. Again, there's a bunch of other avenues you can go down for that. Sometimes there is love involved. In my case, there will not be If there's feelings that are starting to develop like that, I'm out, which there wouldn't be because my subbie is my soulmate. There's nobody out there. That's better for me than him. Number two your owner does not need to provide you with any justification or reason in order to secure you in chastity. Your only concern is that your owner wants to, and that by itself is reason enough. Whether you want to be secured or not has no relevance in the situation, as per the agreement made in your relationship and chastity document. Now, this one I found interesting because we don't necessarily have a chastity document, but that's a good idea. Sometimes having things written down to refer back to is great. However, we have been doing it long enough that we kind of just flow. Everything just kind of flows the way it should and when something comes up, we deal accordingly. It's kind of how we live our life Shit comes up, we just deal accordingly. Number three is a good one. Under no circumstances, excluding health and safety emergencies, are you permitted to attempt to remove, alter or bypass the chastity device which has been secured on you. You are obligated by the terms of your agreement On that note. Again, I'm just skimming over this, because if you guys want the word for word which I absolutely recommend because this is fantastic you need to communicate with your key holder when something is malfunctioning on your chastity device. You need something that is somewhat comfortable to wear. Obviously, there's going to be an aspect of being uncomfortable. No matter what, you want to make sure that everyone is safe, that your penis is safe. You want to make sure that it's comfortable, you're not losing blood flow, all of that, and I think we kind of went over that in the last episode as well. So, no altering, trying to remove, trying to get yourself off any of that while that device is on. That's basically the gist of number three. The gist of number three. Number four also touched on in the last episode. It is your responsibility and duty to keep yourself clean and care for that area. In addition, if you don't, you are going to have some health issues. You don't want any bad bacteria that close to your wiener. Just saying, that's the gist, basically, of number four. Number five this is also a good one. I'm going to read this one word for word you must also remember that your owner has locked your manhood for the precise reason that you can no longer play with yourself or achieve an erection or orgasm. Your manhood is no longer there for your pleasure, but for your owners. Your sole duty is to carry them around for your owner. If erections cause discomfort, then don't do it. We went over erections a little bit in the last one From personal experience with my subbie. When you first put it on at night, you might get a couple. They're going to be a little painful. Your little guy, big guy, however you want to refer to him needs to adjust to the fact that there's something there stopping him from achieving his full length. And then I think it just kind of realizes hey, this is bad news, it hurts, I'm not doing it anymore. And they stop. Everybody's different. If it's an issue, if it's extremely painful, then don't do it. Number six oh, I'm going to read this one word for word too, because I like it. It is your duty and obligation to inform your owner of your experiences while wearing this device. You should regularly look at your chastity cage in order to remind yourself of the pleasures that you once had, that were in your control and which are now locked away from you. You should let your owner know how you feel, as they may enjoy hearing about your suffering and longing. I really like this one. My subbie doesn't have to look at his because he wears a metal cage, so he always knows it's there. He can feel it hanging there. I will say that I completely, 100%, agree with the statement saying you should let your owner know how you feel, as they may enjoy hearing about your suffering. I love when I get a text message that says I don't know. I just like the daily updates on different little painful situations that my subbie goes through. It just makes me smile. I enjoy it. Number seven refers to humiliation. Teasing things like that. That should all be set up in an agreement. Humiliation is a bit of a touchy subject for me. I enjoy humiliating my subbie, but I think there has to be terms or guidelines for the type of humiliation. And I say that because I struggled with humiliation for a long time with him, because he's a very hard worker, he provides very well for our family, and it was hard for me because it was so ingrained in my head that that's not what you do. You know what I mean. You don't break somebody down like that. I had to switch my way of thinking and we had to figure out our type of what was good humiliation which is a weird sentence in itself. Good humiliation when your brain is really hardwired to a certain way of thinking. You really struggle to grasp the concept of chastity in general and then also working along down the lines of humiliation and torture and things like that. Everybody has their own kinks and that is okay, but it's awesome. Everybody's different and that's what's fantastic about the world. You just have to be careful with humiliation and make sure that you and your partner are on the same page. You don't want to hit an area of humiliation that maybe sinks in as hurtful I don't really know how else to put it. I really struggled with this for a long time because of the way I was wired in the beginning and how I thought of things. Just be very careful and make sure everything is pretty detailed and if there's hard limits or this is again where a safe word comes in, where if you take it too far, your partner has to have that safe word that says you know that they can say that ends it it has to be done Again why it's important to do your research and understand and not go blindly into this. Any type of kink can be dangerous mentally, physically. Whatever the case may be, it's always best to do your research and know what you're doing. There's going to be bumps along the road I say that all the time and there will be. Nobody's perfect, but you just want to make sure that you're educated and know how to handle those bumps accordingly. Number eight is good, dependent on the agreement that you have signed. Your secret is not entitled to remain a secret. If your owner chooses to tell people about the chastity device, your owner may do so. Now, I think this is different for every relationship, because there are people out there that participate in chastity, that are in a public position politics, or there's vast other, or there's plenty of other career fields that you can be in, where this coming out maybe isn't the best. I think that discussing this with your partner and having a clear foundation of who should know, who shouldn't know, things like that I think this should be input that you take from both sides. Sometimes male chastity just isn't something that you should talk about openly with your peers, depending on your career path, because sadly, some people can't just realize that it's a thing that is a part of people's life. It doesn't affect who they are in their profession. In my opinion, most of my friends know. The ones that don't will probably find out soon enough. Our kids obviously do not know, which is part of the struggle with getting this recorded is because I need to have some privacy. I mean, the booth is pretty soundproof, but it's a discussion that I don't think they're ready to have. Someday my kids probably will know and I'm hoping that I have raised them to be open enough to accept that everybody's different and what they participate in is different and we're not hurting anybody. We're doing what we enjoy. We're not pushing our beliefs on other people. I'm literally here just to inform you about this. That is my sole purpose. If you have questions, ask me. That is my reason for this podcast, because I don't think that people quite understand male chastity. I think it's very. There's a very small niche of people who truly get it and then everybody else is just like that's fucking dumb. Why the fuck would you do that? And that's ridiculous. Just because you don't understand it doesn't make it dumb. And even if you did understand it and you don't like it, you don't have to be an asshat about it. There's a lot of things people do that I don't agree with, but I don't call them dumb. That's just ridiculous. It's a touchy subject for me, apparently. That's just ridiculous. It's a touchy subject for me apparently On to number nine. Your owner is allowed to provide stimulation to you in any form that they see fit. Well, anybody who's been on my OnlyFans knows that I do enjoy poking at it. I also enjoy letting other people poke at it occasionally. It's fun and people ask questions and they want to see. They're curious, and especially at our campground, people who are curious aren't curious because they want to judge me. They're curious because they're curious. They really want to know and he does what he's told, so he's a good boy. He's a good boy. Number 10. Last one it is your duty to take pleasure in the idea that your owner takes time from their day in order to control the use of their property and that this will give them amusement. You should always be thankful for having your owner to secure you in a chastity device and you should always be letting them know how owner to secure you in a chastity device and you should always be letting them know how thankful you are for that. You should demonstrate this by being attentive and loyal, and there's more to that, but that is the part that I really liked. I have said this many times before. When my subbie has that cage on which he does pretty much all the time, but occasionally he gets to be free he is very attentive and loyal. He is that way on a daily basis anyway, with or without the cage. However, I don't know how he does it, but he brings it up a whole notch. But when that cage is on, he really steps it up. I mean, he's fantastic without it, but man mind-blowing with it. He's very good at showing me how much he appreciates me and how much he cares about me and appreciates the things that I do for him. This cage has been a fantastic addition to our relationship and I love every second of it, even the bad seconds. I love it. I wouldn't change it for a thing. So also in this, there is the four commandments for the key holder. Those are pretty interesting. There's other articles and things like that too, so I would highly recommend checking this out. It was a great read. The next one we're going to move into or onto is Thumper's Top 10 Rules for Locked Men. This one is really good too. There's also going to always be variation to rules by everybody's dynamic and what type of relationship that the keyholder and the locked man have, or the keyholder and the sub, however you want to phrase it. So Thumper's top 10 rules for a well-behaved and happy locked man. Now I'm reading these as though they would pertain to a relationship. I'm going to have to, like I said, address the remote key holder, because that's a whole different area, so I will address that maybe in another episode. I have to do a little bit more research on that, but OK, so this is on the basis of a relationship. For instance, this is a married couple, people who are boyfriend and girlfriend, girlfriend and girlfriend, boyfriend and boyfriend. Whatever your dynamic is One sex is a service for your key holder. Two you don't decide when or how often sex happens. 2. You don't decide when or how often sex happens. 3. You are not entitled to sex. 4. You are not to have any expectation of sex. 5. You are not to initiate sex other than to reinforce your availability to your keyholder to satisfy their needs and desires. You are not to demonstrate any emotions that indicate dissatisfaction with their decisions regarding sex. Side note it is acceptable to show sexual frustration within reason, assuming your keyholder is okay with that. Seven pleasure you experience while servicing your keyholder is secondary to theirs always. Eight when your keyholder allows you to service them sexually, it is a gift. Nine always do your best, but don't expect perfection from yourself. And the final one your keyholder can situationally alter these or any rules based on their needs and desires. I think you can take these rules any way you want, but the basic foundation is the keyholder always comes first. Your keyholder is your priority. In my relationship personally, my happiness always comes before his. That's by his doing, not by mine. That is what took me the longest time to adjust to, because in all of my past relationships it's always been me making sure that everyone else is always happy before I get what I need. So in this instance, specifically in my relationship with my husband now it's a total flop to what I'm used to. It always used to be me making sure everybody else was happy and now it's him always making sure I'm happy first. I struggle with that still to this day. We've been doing this for how long? And I still struggle with the fact that somebody wants to put my happiness before their own. So this all comes back to how you think, how your brain is wired. It's an adjustment to get to this point. It's why I'm always learning more, always trying to do my own research, because you just it changes and you have to change the way you think about things, and it can be hard. It's a real learning process. Denying Thumper is the website and it'll be in the notes below. It's a great read. Very well written. It's a great read. Very well written. The last one I'm going to talk about is from the Mail Chastity Journal. It's Crime and Punishment A New Keyholder's Guide. This one is absolutely amazing for somebody just starting out. I'm just going to read the first few paragraphs because it really struck me when I first read. These. Many caged males and their key holders perceive the power exchange the cage represents as far more than just locking up his penis and leaving it in a cage. That sentence right there speaks volumes. I think the biggest kickback that I'm getting when I post things on TikTok or whatever, or even if I just talk about it. I mean there's even people at the campground that have said that's why the fuck would you do that? Why don't you like sex? The thing people don't understand about chastity is there's so much more attached to it. So much more attached to it than just your dick being in a cage. Okay, all of the fantasies and many real-life couples practice some form of keyholder control, at least of sexual matters. Many of us caged males crave rules and discipline. That sentence alone is amazing. We want to feel our keyholders control beyond our little cages. Yes, yes, yes. For a new key holder, these interests in rules and discipline can come as a surprise Without prior experience in topping. That would be me. The new key holder can feel lost and inadequate. Yes, that is so true. Fear not, you can do this. Actually, the first step caging your male's penis was the hardest True statement to an extent. By the time this was introduced to me, I was like fuck, yeah, let's do it, I'm on board, I was all in it, introduced what you might have considered an alien experience. You agreed to lock him up. You agreed to lock him up. Now there's more. Yep, there is Like any kid with a new toy. Your caged male will be enthusiastic and anxious to experience everything he dreamed about all at once. That can create a giant anxiety attack for the new key holder. Now, my husband was fantastic in the beginning with me. He took everything very slow. He gave me suggestions but never pushed anything Ever. That is fantastic. That is how it should be done, in my opinion. That is fantastic. That is how it should be done, in my opinion. People, I think, focus on what this is like for the person who is being locked up and tend to totally forget about what the keyholder goes through. It's a whole new dynamic for both people. It's a big change for everybody involved. This is the first opportunity for you to use your new power. I know you never asked for the power, you just locked him up because he asked you to do it. For better or worse, you did it and now you discover there could be a lot more Read on. Help is here, so I'm not going to read the whole article, but this is a fantastic article for somebody who's just beginning. It goes over some real simple rules. Help ease you into making the rules discussing things how to tame your partner if they're a little bit crazy, excited about all these things they want to do and want to experience and things like that. Sexually, people are generally on different levels. Sometimes my husband and I I mean he had all this knowledge of lifestyle and I was totally naive to all of it. He knew me well enough. I was blessed and lucky that he took it very slow with me. Sometimes I can be a slow learner. Sometimes I hit the ground running. It just really depends. I can be a slow learner. Sometimes I hit the ground running. It just really depends. He knows me well enough to know when I'm overwhelmed. He knows me well enough to know when he can bring something up, because sometimes I can be quite moody. You know, once a month when it's shark week, he tends to steer clear a little bit, because I can be a little bit of an emotional wreck. I recognize it. I apologize Real sorry, it's just what happens, but I thought this article was very interesting. It tells you different ways to correct different behaviors that you may experience with your submissive. One thing I really did like about this article too is I believe it goes over punishments. I struggled with the punishments thing. Here's how my brain saw things. Well, he misbehaves. Should I just spank him? Well, why would I spank him? He likes that. How is that a punishment? How am I going to correct bad behavior if he's enjoying the punishment? Now, very rarely does my husband have bad behavior. He is generally very attentive and everybody has bad days. I'm not going to punish him for that. However, he has gotten overly excited about things in the past and I've had to bring him down a notch. Generally, my mom voice does it. But this article gives you different ideas of ways that you can implement punishments that they don't enjoy and will help teach them a lesson and, if they break rules, what they're, what the consequences are. It's almost like having rules for your kids, but on a different level. I really, really, really, if you read none of the other articles and you just read this one, I really really liked this one I will put all of the links to these articles in the show notes, as always. If you have any questions at all or comments, whatever the case may be, please hit me up. I'm here to inform people. I'm not here to judge people, so I will do my best to get back to everybody. I love, love, love the feedback I've gotten on the podcast so far. My whole goal with this podcast is to just help inform people, answer questions if they have them, maybe even guide them to, because obviously I don't fucking know everything. I just remember in the beginning I was very naive about the whole kink about lifestyles, about different sexual choices, and most of my life I grew up thinking it was fucking weird because there was things that I liked that nobody else did. I never had anybody to talk to and I hated that feeling. When I met my husband and he introduced all these new ideas to me, I was mind blown and I was super excited and then the part of my brain that is wired to think that's wrong. You don't do that. I grew up in a very religious family. I have like different things my whole life, but that part is wired, or was wired, very deep in my brain. So when all this was first introduced to me I was like I can't fucking do that. And then the other part of my brain was like, oh, this is so fucking cool, we should do this, we should do this. I just don't ever want anybody to feel like they're alone out there. You always have somebody to talk to. If you ever have questions, reach out to me. If I don't know the answers, I will do my best to guide you and help you find the answers. I just don't want anybody to feel alone. There's always somebody out there you can talk to. And don't ever, ever feel bad about yourself for liking something. If you're not hurting other people or it's not affecting how you perform on a daily basis, who fucking cares? If you're doing it in your private life and you're not hurting anyone, why does it matter to anybody else? It doesn't change who you are as a person. I don't know, that's just me rambling, that's my personal opinion, but always know if anybody has any questions out there, always feel free to ask. I'll do my best to answer. I hope everybody has a fantastic week and I will be back next week with episode 15.