EP: 0110 - Female Led Relationships - The Importance of Safe Words and Honest Conversations

Krystine Kellogg (and her subby) host this podcast dedicated to exploring diverse lifestyles and fostering open, honest communication. With a passion for creative expression and community building, They enjoy bringing their experiences to you in hopes that you may take any sort of help in YOUR relationship! 

Their background in podcasting and storytelling, coupled with personal experiences in alternative lifestyles, uniquely qualifies them to guide listeners through engaging and insightful conversations.

In this milestone 10th episode, our host embraces the challenges of recording on the go and celebrates the growth of their online community. They dive into topics such as body confidence, diversity, and the importance of honest communication in relationships. With a sneak peek into their new fictional audio drama, "Control," listeners are invited to explore the nuances of the FLR cuckold lifestyle through immersive storytelling.

This episode is a must-listen for anyone interested in alternative lifestyles, body positivity, and relationship dynamics. Through personal anecdotes and practical advice, the host encourages listeners to embrace individuality and find supportive communities both online and offline. Key discussions around safe words, honest communication, and overcoming insecurities offer valuable insights for those navigating unique lifestyle choices.

References:

• Priory Society podcast
• FLR cuckold lifestyle
• FetLife

Questions:

1. How can I build body confidence in alternative lifestyle communities?
2. What role does honest communication play in relationship growth?
3. How can a safe word be effectively used

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Transcript

Krystine: 0:53

are we good?

subby: 0:54

it appears that we are yay this podcast is intended for mature audiences only if you are not 18 years of age or older. There are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18. This podcast is meant solely for entertainment. We are not licensed doctors, lawyers or therapists. We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions.

Krystine: 1:38

Hey everyone, welcome back. This is episode 10. Holy fuck you guys. I totally can't believe this is episode 10. Craziness. Okay. So we are on our way from point A to point B, so I'll apologize now if there's any background noise and we've kind of lost out on our super secret recording place where there's no kids. Sometimes it's real hard for me to get content done with children in the home because, one, they're noisy as fuck and two, our booth is soundproof. But I think the kids might be a little curious as to sometimes what I'm recording. So I think they try to eavesdrop a little bit. So I have to be kind of careful about what I'm doing. So here we are in a vehicle recording the podcast.

subby: 2:31

Plus, plus. We can't both fit in the booth.

Krystine: 2:35

Yeah, there is that.

subby: 2:36

It's not a very big booth, correct, so I'm back.

Krystine: 2:43

My subby, hubby, love of my life, is here. Yay, I love when you're with me.

subby: 2:50

I must have did good on the first one, eh.

Krystine: 2:52

Yeah, eh, you're funny.

subby: 2:58

So the thing about recording in the vehicle our friends over at the Priory Society podcast you should absolutely check those folks out.

Krystine: 3:10

Fantastic.

subby: 3:11

They often. Maybe not often, but I know that they have at least a couple of times recorded on their trip from LA to Vegas. Or back. Or back depending on how things went, and they've kind of used that drive time to jot down some ideas and talk about some things and Miss Christine and I have some fantastic conversations on our shorter but similar trek that we do on Thursday nights.

Krystine: 3:50

I drive back to my hometown and shoot darts with my friends.

subby: 3:54

Right, and I'm usually the chauffeur. Slash guardian, slash trophy husband.

Krystine: 4:04

Yes, that is an accurate description Something like that A few housekeeping issues to touch on this week. Cleaning the house Cleaning the house.

subby: 4:15

Your TikTok is blowing up.

Krystine: 4:16

My TikTok is really blowing up.

subby: 4:19

That's kind of fun.

Krystine: 4:20

It's fucking crazy. It just seems so strange that I had like 38 followers and I'm almost to 700. Holy fuck you guys.

subby: 4:32

And your Twitter's growing.

Krystine: 4:35

I'm fucking in shock.

subby: 4:36

We're getting some really good feedback and some people touching base with questions and whatever comments about the podcast and it's really good to read all that stuff, all that stuff and um, we've got.

Krystine: 5:00

We have some folks who are retweeting your promoted, promoted tweets or whatever you do there. I appreciate that so much.

subby: 5:03

We have little like minion helpers, which is super cool thank you, they're super sweet for doing that. Oh, you have an only fans I do have an only fans so in scheming and all this, because I do some of the behind-the-scenes stuff and talking about all this stuff, because we talk all the time. Yeah, we do actually. We figured out that maybe the Patreon is more for the audio content, so we will be adjusting the levels. Isn't that funny, adjusting the levels on the audio content? See what I did there. We'll be adjusting the tiers that we'll address. We're going to simplify some things that we'll address. We'll keep probably the premium Snapchat possibility on the Patreon but, like any little videos or pictures or stuff like that will probably go over to the OnlyFans.

Krystine: 6:09

Thanks, TechGuy. I really appreciate everything you do for me. I'm just trying to help. You're fantastic. I am just trying to help. You're fantastic. I am just trying to be helpful.

subby: 6:17

I appreciate you, yes we're dropping oh control, ooh yeah, so this one we can both talk about because we're teaming up on this one.

Krystine: 6:28

Yes.

subby: 6:29

So we have another podcast. There's already one episode out. It's called the name of the. The name of the podcast is control how you doing there. I'm just stumbling because it's, I'm just excited it's a it is. It really is exciting because it's a, it's a fictional, a fiction audio drama podcast.

Krystine: 6:55

Narrated by my sexy voice.

subby: 6:57

Yes, and there's different characters in it and the episodes are 20 minutes to a half hour or so. Something like that chronicles the adventures of a woman who is introduced to the FLR cuckold lifestyle by some guy from the big city. Sound familiar, eerily familiar. However, it's not all entirely autobiographical. It's fictional, yes, but it's loosely based on what's going on.

Krystine: 7:47

It's fantastic.

subby: 7:50

Yeah, that's been fun. So it's not just you reading the story, necessarily. You're narrating it and we're both doing characters in it. There's sound effects and background noises. Our hope is to really place you as the listener in the story. We think the first one turned out pretty darn good. The second one the first one's called the Beginning.

Krystine: 8:28

And the second one is called the Wedding.

subby: 8:31

The Wedding and, oh my, does that poor guy have a hell of a weekend.

Krystine: 8:36

He loves it though.

subby: 8:48

Yeah, he does, so that drops on Sunday. That's kind of why this one's dropping on Friday to give us a little bit of breathing room, because that's a lot of content to put out in one week.

Krystine: 8:54

And I don't quite know how to do any of that yet. That's okay, I can do general editing, but I rely heavily on my tech guy.

subby: 9:01

Yeah, it's super fun for me to do so. Control goes every other week, starting this week for sure, and then this podcast is every week. Yeah. Let's talk about our topic of the week.

Krystine: 9:20

And the reason that it is dropping on Friday night is we are going with a theme that kind of ties into Halloween a little bit. Today we're going to be talking about facing your fears Well done. So today we're going to talk about a few things I think I have five that came to mind about facing your fears, or things that most people who want to get into the lifestyle or FLR relationship, whatever it may be, common fears that people have, and I can honestly say I've had for sure at least three of these and some I'm still dealing with now.

subby: 10:06

So this topic can be basically the lifestyle in general. Like you mentioned, it can be applied to the FLR cuckold lifestyle. It can be applied to maybe the swinger lifestyle, anything under that big kind of, but we are talking more about the FLR cuckold, chastity, dom, wife, bull situation. That applies mostly for us.

Krystine: 10:50

Correct, and I mean in honesty. These things could be relevant to any life issue, choice etc. But because this is what's generally on my mind all the time is, you know, learning more about female led relationships and how to practice it in everyday life, or chastity, or any of that. I mean you take the information how you want to take it and apply it how you want to take it Right. We just hope you find it helpful.

subby: 11:23

Because each one of the points is kind of a broad, general point that you could probably apply to many different situations, correct?

Krystine: 11:34

So so let's get started.

subby: 11:38

Number one.

Krystine: 11:39

I'm afraid I'm not good looking enough or cool enough or have the right body to be in the lifestyle. This is a big one, yeah it is. And that's why it's number one.

subby: 11:53

Yes.

Krystine: 11:54

I still struggle with body confidence. I am not a small person. I am.

subby: 12:05

Well, you're not a big person.

Krystine: 12:06

I'm not a big person, but I'm a very stocky person, and it has taken me a long time to accept that I have broad shoulders, and that's just the way it is, or there's certain things about me that I just don't like.

subby: 12:22

So my two cents on this is that porn, or even media in general advertising, all of that, even media in general advertising, all of that has given us all this illusion that the only people in this sort of situation they need to be Ken and Barbie-esque with you know perfect hair, perfect teeth, perfect looks, perfect body, you know perfect bank accounts, perfect life, and that's the only way you can be in an alternative lifestyle of any sort. Not true, true?

Krystine: 13:08

I think it can be very intimidating looking in from the outside at people in the lifestyle. I will say my first encounter, or one of my first encounters with people in the lifestyle was not great and I really questioned whether or not this was for me. But then I met more people that are in the lifestyle for me. But then I met more people that are in the lifestyle and I will tell you the people that I have surrounded myself with now, or the people that I come in contact with, I have more often than not had great interactions with them. I think people in the lifestyle overall generally are very true and nonjudgmental.

subby: 13:56

Right.

Krystine: 13:57

They don't look at, and this I mean this isn't the case for everybody, because there are people in the lifestyle that are that can be judgmental.

subby: 14:09

That's true.

Krystine: 14:09

You know I mean, and there's people of that nature everywhere, Correct? I mean you can't get away from it. It's just, some people are judgmental people.

subby: 14:17

In every facet of life you'll run into the different types of people like that. Yes, both an eye-opener and a reassurance that people in the lifestyle come in all different packages.

Krystine: 14:44

Yes, they do, and it's very intimidating going to a clothing optional campground, and I, again, don't have the most body confidence. I will tell you, though, from the time we started going to this campground until current time, my confidence has improved significantly, thanks to the wonderful people that we have met at the campground.

subby: 15:09

Right.

Krystine: 15:10

People are very warm and welcoming and stories that I've heard of events that people from the campground have attended. They say they have the same encounter with you know, with the people they come across and it's just really nice to hear people compliment other people. That probably normally don't get commented in everyday life because of how they're looked at and it's nice to be in a safe space where you can really just be you and nobody judges you.

subby: 15:42

Right.

Krystine: 15:42

Everybody's into something different, like I am quite sure. In fact, I know we are the only couple at the campground who participates in chastity.

subby: 15:54

Right.

Krystine: 15:55

And I've gotten so many questions and I love answering questions about it. I love it. Oh, and she loves showing it off too, by the way, I can't help it.

subby: 16:04

Drop your drawers, boy.

Krystine: 16:05

Yeah, yep, and then it's out Every single time I have him drop his pants. From who? Well, from the female population that wants to see it. The next question is always can I poke it? Fuck, yeah, you can poke it, poke away that's true it's so fun so on.

subby: 16:26

That, um, you touched on it right. There you be you, whoever you are, however you are, whatever you look like, whatever anything, be yourself.

Krystine: 16:42

And be proud of who you are.

subby: 16:43

Right.

Krystine: 16:44

Don't fucking get down on yourself because some asshat says that what you like is wrong.

subby: 16:52

Right.

Krystine: 16:52

If you have consent and you're not hurting anybody again against their consent, or if you don't have consent, or whatever the case is, fuck them. If they don't like it, they don't have to participate.

subby: 17:06

Right, and one of the environments or one of the ways that you can um, one of the ways that you can reassure yourself, is a social type situation, like we went to the campground. But I'm pretty sure in almost every city I'm guessing pretty much worldwide there are lifestyle groups that get together. Lifestyle groups that get together. We've been to a munch with FetLife and I mean we met a bunch of normal you know vanilla on the outside type people there that shared our point of view on whatever topic that was that we went for. I can't remember right now.

Krystine: 17:57

I want to say it was just a general meeting about an event we wanted to attend.

subby: 18:01

That could be yes, but again it was the social aspect. So get out there and meet others. If you're intimidated by that, find social groups online that you can be part of and talk to people and share your fears, your experiences, your ideas, your questions.

Krystine: 18:55

It's kind of a safety in numbers kind of a thing where you know, if you can find a group that you're comfortable in, you can learn so much about the lifestyle that you want to get into, the way that you want to live, how to meet the potential significant other. If you're single, you know, or if you just want to meet a play partner, somebody that you can interact with that's into the same things you are, and I mean it doesn't even have to be somebody where you're looking for somebody. I mean you absolutely could find somebody there that is maybe your match. But Right. I mean, and don't ever feel bad about asking questions because that is the only way you're going to learn. And I'm so thankful that I have my husband because I had no idea I was completely in the dark about so much about the lifestyle. And I'm so glad that I had him to ask questions, because I get that it can be intimidating. But if you can even just find that one person or that one friend that you feel comfortable talking to and ask questions, just educate yourself, learn as much as you can and don't feel bad about asking questions.

subby: 19:52

Right, Exactly Number two.

Krystine: 19:55

I'm afraid to bring this concept to my wife or girlfriend.

subby: 20:00

Guys, I'm right with you. Going back many years, I had the interest or the inkling or the curiosity of many things involving an alternative lifestyle or alternative way of living or just exploring myself, and I lived in that fear for many years of even bringing things up. In fact, there are things about me that I never brought up to anyone until I met Miss Christine.

Krystine: 20:32

I drew it right out of him.

subby: 20:33

Just sucked it right out. So to fear this is totally natural. I think that one of the ways to face this fear is to ensure that communication is a big part of your relationship. So if you are going to share these ideas you have, or questions you have, or thoughts that you have with your significant other, make sure first that honesty and communication are healthy in your relationship.

Krystine: 21:13

Or you could do what my husband did and dump it all in their lap in the first couple weeks of knowing each other and then keep your fingers crossed that nothing happened. Nothing bad happens well, there is that however okay in my defense yes, on that note, he was very honest with me from the get-go and we had a connection that I've never we still do that I've never had with trusted him from day one, always have, always will, and it wasn't. Uh, this is what I want. It's all or nothing. It was, hey, this is how I feel, this is what I'm interested in. If you're not okay with that, I am 100% okay with just living a monogamous life. 100% okay with just living a monogamous life. It was never. There was never any pressure on me ever, which I'm so thankful for because that was a hell of a lot of processing.

subby: 22:09

Yeah, pressure can be detrimental. It can be devastating to any evolution of a relationship, going in a way that you might want it to go. The absolute last thing you should do to your significant other gentlemen is to push her into things that she's unaware of, afraid of, you know, doesn't know anything about any of that, so the full court press on anything like that is a really bad idea. So, going back, to make sure the communication is great, make sure the honesty is great that's two huge points to a great connection with a couple. Are those two foundational pieces?

Krystine: 23:07

Well, and showing what you mean by actions more than words. So maybe it's a situation where you sit down and talk to your wife and say so I'm kind of interested in this. Here's what I have kind of figured out it means, or here's kind of what I'm looking at for expectations for this, or I don't. However you want to word it, you know this. This is what I'm thinking about. Let me just give you a little example, or just do a few nice things, or however you want to incorporate it into your life.

subby: 23:48

Right. So, on that note, if you are interested in the female led relationship, the female led marriage, and you are feeling submissive, you're feeling like you know, even though you know you're a guy and hard worker and all this stuff, you know, if you feel like you want to be submissive to your wife, girlfriend, partner, whatever, just start by being submissive. I mean, one of the easiest things and best things you can do to start with is just simply opening the door for her or him, either one.

Krystine: 24:37

Which kind of leads us into the next one, which is Number three. I'm afraid to bring this idea to my husband or boyfriend, so a lot of the same things that we just stated for the previous one will follow through to this one. However, from a female perspective, I think that it would be easier to address a man with something like this, because and I don't mean this directed at all men, but where there's boobs and vagina involved, I think you can really do pretty much whatever you want. There is that. Now, that being said, you do have to respect them and you have to give them time to process and understand, and this is for either one, female or male. It's just that females sometimes take a little longer to process things. Like me personally, I like to overthink the shit out of stuff sometimes that happens where sometimes I think males just aren't wired that way, they don't overthink it as much right.

subby: 25:50

So from a from a male's perspective on that yes um, it's, it's the same thing, though. You know you make sure you have the communication honesty, okay, but then you can start to inch your way into this type of relationship by doing the small things. You know, not just saying, but doing so. Small things like taking control of the small decisions. You know, not major life-changing decisions, but small decisions like supper or something. This is what we're having and this is how it's going to go. I think that you start with the small ones, like that, and you can, generally, you can demand from him you probably don't want to go straight into, like controlling all of the money in 24 hours. You know finances are a huge topic between a couple. Oh yeah, and ladies, mrs, it is totally possible for you to take over that completely, if you don't do it already. And, ladies, it's entirely possible for you to give him just an allowance every week. Yes, I like that. And you control the rest. That doesn't happen, like I said, within 24 hours.

Krystine: 27:54

Right, and that's one thing I would like to point out too. I think, thankfully, my husband knows me better than I know me and I think pretty much has, since, you know, the first month we were together. But I think the best tip I can give whether you're introducing it to your girlfriend or wife, or whether you're introducing it to your husband, boyfriend, whatever the case may be I would suggest first you sit down and you communicate about guidelines and how you want to start out and it might seem tedious and like ruining the moment to talk about it like that, but you want to make sure that you're both on the same page so somebody doesn't end up with hurt feelings or feel like it's not a partnership or it's not because, even though I am in control, this is still a partnership and I think we've said that hundreds of times. But you really have to make sure that you guys are both on the same page. It's very important to have a strong foundation, excellent communication about what you're both looking for out of this, or even have something written down for your partner who you're introducing it to of what your idea of what this situation would look like, and then take baby steps. Now every relationship is different and maybe you don't need to take baby steps. Maybe the foundation you have is rock solid or you're. You're both just happen to be ready for this point. It's something that maybe you both want to do, but one was scared to say something to the other one, or afraid, or whatever the case may be. You have to do what is best for your relationship, because that's what is important. I wouldn't want to do any of this if, at any time, I thought I was going to jeopardize the relationship that I have with my husband, right? He is the most important part of my life and I want to make sure that we are always on the same page, and I just want to be with him, and whatever that entails is what I want to do. However, thankfully, we are much alike, right, and this works out fantastic for both of us.

subby: 30:06

So now, on the realistic side, um, folks, it's not all perfect, 24, seven, correct, as with many couples, every couple, all couples, whatever Um, we have our little squabbles now and then we're perfectly natural male and females, you know, in the situation, and there are things that sometimes we don't see eye to eye. However, when that happens, there's some sort of a cool-down period and then we typically talk the shit out of it to figure out what went wrong, where and how to not stumble into that situation again.

Krystine: 30:57

Well and sadly, a lot of our disagreements when when we do have them occur via text. Yes so we have a dangerous way of talking it is a very dangerous way of talking Sometimes. Sometimes it's real fun, but we have a safe word in our life in general we have a safe word in our life in general, and if that safe word gets thrown, it is no longer discussed via text. It has to be discussed face to face, right? And if that safe word gets thrown, then that means maybe one person is real hot and doesn't want to say something that they're going to regret, right? So the safe word is used to prevent something being said that isn't meant, because I'm a stubborn Taurus and I can say things that I don't mean Listen, linda, you're not much better. Hey, just saying. However, we're both very conscious of when we get to that point and we recognize it right away and the safe word is used and it ends right there. We don't talk about it until we can be face to face and have had some time to cool down.

subby: 32:07

Yeah, that's the thing. Some sort of safe word, some sort of signal, some sort of something that says to the other person I really love you, I really give a shit about you and I'm having a really hard time right now needs to be thrown so that there can be some space created and then the squabble, the argument, the fight or whatever can be de-escalated.

Krystine: 32:40

Yep, I think that would be the word you're looking for.

subby: 32:42

Yes.

Krystine: 32:42

Everybody needs a little bit of cool-down time when someone's real heated.

subby: 32:45

It needs to be brought down to a place where good communication can happen and honest communication can happen, where you're not afraid to say something to the other Women to the men, men to the women, whatever, right. Where you should not be afraid to say something that you're feeling or thinking, and you may be way off base, you may be perceiving something that just isn't there.

Krystine: 33:16

Yeah, it's real hard to determine what's being said via text message sometime, right?

subby: 33:19

Yeah, it's real hard to determine what's being said via text message sometime Right. So the safe word is super crucial.

Krystine: 33:27

And I don't hear many people talk about like. I've never heard of anybody having a safe word that uses it like we do. I mean, a safe word is an absolute necessity in kink, play or whatever. You have to have that word so that you're both on the same page where, if it gets thrown, no questions asked, the play stops.

subby: 33:47

Right.

Krystine: 33:48

However, I love that. We have it in our everyday life as well. Right, if something's being taken too far or if we're upset or something. We know that word means I love you. Like he said I love you. But this has to stop right here until we can be face to face. Or even if we're face to face and it gets thrown, we go to two separate rooms of the house until we can cool down a little bit. Or sometimes I'll go for a drive, because that's where I relax, or whatever the case may be. I just think that's important.

subby: 34:21

Right.

Krystine: 34:23

So do you want to say number four? Now You're really slacking Number four. I'm afraid my family, friends, work or church will find out.

subby: 34:38

This one was a big motherfucker. For me, this is valid.

Krystine: 34:41

Mm-hmm.

subby: 34:42

Absolutely.

Krystine: 34:43

Yeah.

subby: 34:47

Right now we're in a place where there's a handful of people who know our dynamic.

Krystine: 34:56

Or certain aspects of our dynamic Right.

subby: 35:01

Or certain aspects of our dynamic Right. There are things that you can share with people that you know are on your side, no matter what Like. They may not agree with what you're doing, it may not be for them, but they have a caring or a loving view of you enough to accept what you're doing. As far as, like a lifestyle way of living, relationship type, whatever it is, relationship type, whatever it is, I'll say that you know, if this shit ever really hits the fan about you know who we are and what we do. I'm going to find out who my real friends are real fast. Yeah, you'll find out who those real folks are in your life in a hurry.

Krystine: 35:59

Might be a good way to clean house if you think you got some fake friends.

subby: 36:02

Right, your real friends, the family that really cares about you Like, cares about you as a person, your workplace, that one may be a little more sticky.

Krystine: 36:19

Yeah, depending on what you do for a career, things like that.

subby: 36:21

I understand that that and just quickly on your church um, there is a ton of judgmental people in your church. However, there are some fucking amazing people in your church, correct as well, and the right people. The people again who really care about you, the people who really think the world of you. They will gravitate towards you and be there for you. And the people who your friendship with them, your relationship with them, is just face value. You know, it's just convenient for them or whatever. Those are the people who will throw stones.

Krystine: 37:10

And, for fuck's sake, don't ever let anyone kink. Shame you.

subby: 37:16

Yes.

Krystine: 37:17

Fuck, I don't know how important this is, like it really depends on your belief system and what you believe in. If you believe in God, I believe that he is going to love you, no matter what.

subby: 37:31

Right.

Krystine: 37:31

And, for fuck's sake, just be kind to other human beings.

subby: 37:35

Yeah, that's super easy.

Krystine: 37:36

I think you really living this lifestyle. You really have to have thick skin for ignorant people.

subby: 37:46

Right.

Krystine: 37:47

Now you are probably going to come across people who are just curious and just want to know more or just want to understand, and it might not be for a judgmental reason. It might just be they just want to understand. And it might not be for a judgmental reason. It might just be they just want to understand. And I think a majority of people have a kinky side to them, but because of the way it's put out into the public, it's jammed down our throats. That that's not okay. Missionary, is the only way to do it, and only with one person for your entire life. Right Well you know what. If that makes you happy, good for you, but don't be an asshole to the people that it doesn't work for.

subby: 38:27

This kind of leads us into the next one, because the way we do our relationship may not be the same as other people.

Krystine: 38:35

So the next one.

subby: 38:37

Number five.

Krystine: 38:38

Yeah, I mean just to get that in there, and we'll I mean I'm sure we'll ramble about number four. Still, I'm afraid I won't do it right what is right correct. It's like saying what is normal I mean it's?

subby: 38:51

it's a silly question. Who is going to judge you for the way you are doing your female-led relationship, your relationship that involves chastity or cuckold? Who is going to judge you on that? There is no. Again, this is my opinion. There is no real right or wrong way to do this, as long as nobody's getting hurt.

Krystine: 39:21

And everyone is consenting and right.

subby: 39:24

Everyone's on the same page and everyone has an understanding.

Krystine: 39:28

Everyone, being the couple involved, has an understanding of the expectations of the other well, and here's the thing, there's no rule book and like laws of a female led relationship and how chastity is supposed to be done, or, oh well, you have to do a seven day schedule, which, if that was the case, or seven days on, seven days off, whatever that'd get, thrown right the fuck out, because we do ours 24, seven, seven days a week.

subby: 39:56

Right. All year, but that doesn't necessarily mean that that's right either.

Krystine: 40:00

No, it's what works for us and I think anything you participate in you have to. You have to make it work for what is right to you. For you it can't be well. They said I should do it this way, but it just doesn't feel right. I think no matter what you participate in, especially especially in chastity, I you have to do what's right for your relationship.

subby: 40:24

Right.

Krystine: 40:25

It can't be and it has to be equally right, it's not? I mean, I'm sure that my husband would much prefer not to have it on all the time, every day, all year. That's a whole episode in itself, there is that, but in reality we have sat down, we have discussed how we want to do this and we have had hiccups, we've fucked up along the way. We're humans. It fucking happens, but we work through the bumps. We talk about how we're feeling, for example, if it's been however long that he's been caged, and he comes to me and tells me how he's feeling. We may change things, we may not, but we talk about it and figure out where a good medium ground is that makes both of us happy.

subby: 41:19

Right, it's really you decide how this works for you. There is a ton of resources that can give you ideas, can give you concepts, can give you ways of doing things, and you can take in all of that or none of that, or some of that or whatever. Get all of the information that you can and then sift through it to find what works specifically for you and your spouse or boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever it is, whatever it is, whatever it is. Yeah. It really goes back to the communication and honesty thing. Yeah. Communication you know, almost everything comes back to that.

Krystine: 42:11

Mm-hmm, I agree, and I think you can never learn too much. I am learning every day.

subby: 42:20

We are constantly learning. Oh Day, we're constantly learning. In fact, going back to you know, when I dumped everything on her lap in the early days of us dating, I didn't even know about cock cages.

Krystine: 42:34

Yeah, that did come later.

subby: 42:35

Right, so by the time that little item popped up in my Tumblr feed.

Krystine: 42:43

Yeah, I was like, fuck, yeah, let's do that. I was on board. There was no processing there or overthinking. I was like, yep, I'm ready, let's do it.

subby: 42:50

Order it. I'll tell you that I scrolled onto that picture and I did the obligatory dog head turn to the side and I thought, hmm, I better share this.

Krystine: 43:04

I'm so glad he did.

subby: 43:05

Yeah yeah, that decision took all of less than 30 seconds I think Yep, yep, best decision ever. So it's always okay to learn different things. Learn different things If what you're doing isn't working, then find the happy medium, middle ground. Whatever it is for it to work for you, if that makes sense.

Krystine: 43:38

I think the overall point is people deserve to fucking be happy and feel loved and to love other people and I say people because I don't love whoever you want to love and that is my favorite thing about some of the lifestyle people specifically that we are close to.

subby: 44:02

Right.

Krystine: 44:02

Just be a good human being, and that's what's attractive.

subby: 44:06

Yep.

Krystine: 44:07

Confidence, and this goes all the way back to number one. Ladies, men, whoever, confidence is attractive. If somebody is confident, not cocky confident, it is so attractive.

subby: 44:22

And you can be confident as a sub, by the way. Yes. Um, you, you almost have to be confident as a sub, by the way. Um, agreed, I'm not saying that if you're not confident, you shouldn't be a sub. I'm not saying that. But I'm saying that if you are going to be submissive to another person, you have to have self-confidence, that the thing that you're about to put yourself into you can wrap your head around, you can accept, you can embrace, you can thrive in, you know, and you have to have the confidence that your wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, partner, whatever that they will be dominant towards you but they will take care of you. I take very good care of you. I think yes, you do. I'm spoiled.

Krystine: 45:21

Kind of. I think. Another big part, and this is my final note and I will stop with my rant you just about hit a fucking possum right there. By the way, by the by.

subby: 45:32

Was his name Dixon?

Krystine: 45:34

Well, no, he's plain dead, because you probably just made him shit himself. Okay, just be a good human being, and a big part of being a good human being is sometimes you have to. This was one of the biggest struggles I had in the beginning. I was taught to think a certain way. Growing up, I think things are ingrained in your head, or how you see a relationship is what you are taught to believe is the only way it can be, and I think once you get rid of things that you were kind of programmed and kind of look outside the box, I think a whole new world opens up and I think you just be kind and be understanding.

subby: 46:20

So summing up.

Krystine: 46:22

As we rambled.

subby: 46:25

It's okay to fear. It's also okay to face your fears, whether you don't think you're good enough, you're afraid to bring it up to your significant other, you're afraid that you're not going to do it right any of that. Face those fears. And one of the ways of facing those fears is gathering the information.

Krystine: 46:53

And being confident about your choices and not letting people make you feel like shit because you enjoy something. Right, and it's okay to reach out to us, by the way yes, I love questions, I love helping people, I love talking to people. Just understand, I do have three kids at home that I'm attempting to homeschool.

subby: 47:15

Fuck my life and remember, as stated way in the beginning of this podcast, we are not experts. We're not claiming to be licensed, trained anything. We just have some experience in this and a lot of things that we've learned and we are hoping that anything that we bring up while we're talking can be helpful to somebody.

Krystine: 47:39

We're just here to help. I would love to answer any questions that you have or comments, whatever. I love interacting with people. I love hearing about what people are into. I love learning more about what people are into.

subby: 47:53

And you've gotten a little bit of that on Twitter already. Yeah, how fun is that.

Krystine: 47:57

Yes, I love it. I love interacting with people and hearing their stories and telling them things that we've tried and that might work for you and whatever, which is basically the whole idea of this podcast. We're here to help people navigate through this, which can be crazy.

subby: 48:14

If our two cents helps in any way, it's totally worth everything that we go through for the podcast. Thank you for having me again. I love having you on here. Here we come in. It's actually a weird kind of fun doing it while we're driving.

Krystine: 48:34

I told you there's something about just having the mics in here that I like. I mean, I don't want to do this all the time.

subby: 48:40

Let's not make this a habit necessarily, but it's certainly a go-to if need be.