0105 Female Led Relationships: Head First into the FetLife Community and Munch Experience

I have a background that involves firsthand experience in navigating these communities alongside a supportive partner, I can offer an insider's perspective into the often misunderstood world of FetLife and similar social networking platforms. 

Through this podcast, I aim to share personal stories and insights, demystifying complex relationship dynamics such as female-led relationships (FLR) and Dom/sub partnerships. Their goal is to create an open dialogue with listeners who are curious about or involved in these lifestyles.

In this episode, I take the listener on a journey through the intriguing world of FetLife and the social phenomenon known as munches. I begin with the experience of setting up a FetLife profile, likening it to a labyrinth of questions aimed at aligning interests with online personas.
As I navigate this kink-centered social network, I introduce the concept of munches—community gatherings that prioritize safety and consent, often prohibiting alcohol to maintain a secure environment. 
I then shift to the challenges of online dating, especially the complexities that arise when dealing with married individuals seeking affairs. 

Listeners interested in exploring the FetLife community and the world of munches will find this episode particularly enlightening. Key topics include setting up a FetLife profile, understanding the importance of consent and safe words, and navigating the challenges of online dating. 
This episode serves as a guide for newcomers to the kink lifestyle, offering valuable insights into safe and consensual interactions. It also highlights the significance of honest communication when engaging in online dating, especially on platforms like Craigslist and Ki

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Transcript

0:50

Really, you don't even know me. You haven't even said two words to me. How do you even know what I like? Fuck, I don't even know if I know what I fucking like. Just seems odd to me. This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. If you're not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18. This podcast is meant solely for entertainment. We are not licensed doctors, lawyers, or therapists. We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions.♪♪♪Thanks so much for coming back for a listen to episode five. So in episode four, we discussed my first side action with a guy while the hubby watched or attempted to watch, but his phone fell. Apparently the fates were against him. He could only hear. If you haven't listened to episode four, shame on you. Go back, give it a listen. You won't be disappointed. On this episode, we're gonna talk about social networking apps and websites. Being new to the lifestyle and FLR, female-led relationship, I had a lot of questions and was completely in the dark about how all of this worked. I just wanted a place to go where I could get some answers to my questions. The first place I think I went was FetLife. This site can be a little overwhelming for newbies. If you just take a deep breath, it's not really too bad. So FetLife is Facebook for kinksters. There is no app for Apple products, but there is for Android products. So if you're an Android user, you're in luck. So logging in, I recruited my husband to help me set up my profile so that it, cause I have no idea, it asks you some pretty in-depth questions about things that you're interested in, what your gender is, what you identify as. I mean, there's so many questions I had no idea even how to answer. So he kinda guided me along. He didn't give me my answers really, but he just helped me know, he would just ask me questions more in my language that would help me know what my answer should be, or you can just put undecided. You do have to pay a subscription fee to have full access to FetLife. It's $5 a month, or you can do three months, six months, or you can do a year for, I think it's 200 actually for a lifetime. So that's really actually not that bad. So we set up my profile. We started scrolling. I got some messages here and there. They were pretty decent messages. People are very respectful, kind. It is a little bit kinda like being fresh meat though. You do kinda have your inbox blow up a little bit here and there. One thing FetLife offers that I thought was really cool is you can do munches. They have events. You do have to do a munch before you can do an event because you have to get vetted. And we'll unpack all of that. So a munch is a gathering that they hold. So I've only been to one, so I don't have a whole lot of experience with this, but I'll explain how mine went. So we went to a munch. It was at a restaurant. We were in like a party room, and it was closed off from the rest of the restaurant. The serving staff was aware of what it was. They knew it was a lifestyle event, and they were lifestyle-friendly, a lifestyle-friendly establishment. I don't know how you would say that, but they were aware of what it was. There was probably 15 to 20 people at this one that we attended. My husband and I both went. And it was nice because you go around the room, you introduce yourself, you give everybody your username on Fet so they can reach out to you or you can reach out to them. They go over rules. Fet does have some pretty substantial rules, maybe not substantial, but pretty important rules that being a newbie I never would have maybe thought of or would have known. But you go, we had a meal, we talked to people. There were some people there that made toys for play. There was flogging toys, there was paddles. They kind of gave a demonstration on how you can use these during play. A couple of the rules that were discussed right away, because they're pretty important. The first one is everything must be consensual. Everything must be consensual. And this is kind of a life rule in general. You wanna make sure that the person that you're interacting with is on board with what's going on. Another thing, a safe word is very important. I learned this very early on. If you are all of a sudden uncomfortable, in pain, are not okay with what's going on, you need to be able to have this word that you can use to stop everything immediately. When that word is used, all play ends. It's so important. And you wanna make sure that you're always checking in with your partner. Are you guys both on the same page? Are you both feeling the same thing? Is everything still consensual? Did anything change? Did something trigger? Because some of this stuff can trigger past trauma. I mean, it's hard to say. The human brain's insane. So consensual, everything has to be consensual. Rule number one seems pretty self-explanatory. However, it was nice to hear, you always ask somebody before you touch them. You always check in with them, see how they're feeling during the play, all of that, which was very interesting to me. Obviously, I'd never really played. The second thing is some events do not allow alcohol. Now, not all events are that way, but the majority of what I found on FetLife did not allow alcohol. If they did and you became belligerent or just a jackass or violent or whatever, you were asked to leave immediately. Another thing I noticed about their events is that there is only a certain number allowed and you have to RSVP. So that's nice. The groups can be smaller or somewhat bigger depending on how many people they're gonna have there to watch over things and make sure everybody's being safe. It's actually kind of like a family. Everybody's looking out for everybody to make sure nobody gets hurt. Now, on that note, I haven't technically gone to a FetLife event. I have read feedback on them and they seem very safe, very fun. I'm not opposed to trying one. I just haven't yet. I haven't had time. So once you've attended a munch, if there's a specific event you're looking to attend, sometimes that specific event will have a specific munch so that you can get vetted. And what vetted means is that you've gone to the munch, you've met people that are in charge of the event or people who will be attending the event basically just to kind of get to know everybody to make sure it's a good fit and that one or the other isn't crazy or whatever the case may be. So once you've attended a munch, you're vetted to attend an event. I honestly don't know if once you go to one munch, you're vetted for all events or if events are different and each event requires you to attend a specific munch for that event to be vetted. If anyone knows and wants to let me know, that'd be fantastic. I can probably go on FetLife and look. Right now, things are kind of crazy still. So I don't know if I'll be attending any events, but it's my goal for this winter to attend maybe at least one and I'll let you guys know what it's like. So we've talked about munches being vetted. What else did I like about FetLife? Oh, I did really enjoy the people that I spoke to there and people were very friendly in explaining things to me that I didn't know and I was able to get a lot of answers. I really overall, FetLife is probably my favorite. I'm still on there. I haven't been on in a while. I couldn't even tell you what my username is. However, I would like to get back on there and get active because I really did enjoy the people. So you should definitely check it out. Oh, one other thing I forgot about FetLife. They do instructional munches or events too. So if there's a certain type of play that you're interested in, like electro play, rope play, fire play, anything like that, there is a group for that and they will sometimes do instructional events to teach you how to do that safely so that nobody gets hurt because obviously that's the last thing you want is to be playing and somebody end up seriously hurt, which I thought was very cool and the people that seem to be heading up the events seem to be very knowledgeable. Okay, so the next one that I think I, and we talked about this a little bit in episode four, is Kick, which is a messaging app. Now this app isn't specifically for kinksters per se. They do have groups for everything. So if there's something that you want to join a group about scrapbooking or whatever, there's a group for everything on there. I, of course, veered towards the kink part of it. So there we are. So Kick was great. I signed up for, like I said in episode four, I signed up for my Kick account and I was bombarded with dick pics and messages that were pretty much pointless. This app I struggled a little bit with because it felt like nobody really knew how to carry a conversation. I mean, I can fuck you better than anybody's ever fucked you before. Really, you don't even know me. You haven't even said two words to me. How do you even know what I like? Fuck, I don't even know if I know what I fucking like. Just seems odd to me. However, I did meet some very interesting people on Kick. In fact, Kick is what led me to my first remote key holder situation. And that was pretty interesting. I stumbled a little along the way, but I really liked it. And I'm not opposed to doing it some more. I think the final one that I did was adult friend finder. Now this was a mistake for me personally. I wasn't necessarily looking for just a random wham bam, thank you, sir, or whatever you want to call it. This site is specifically what it's called. It's basically finding a fuck friend. My biggest issue with this site was that it seems a lot of married men tend to go on there and they're just looking for a quick one night stand to cheat on their wife. That's not my jam. I don't want to be the other woman. I don't want anything to do with you if you're married. Unless your wife is aware and even then it's a bit sketchy. That's a whole different avenue to go down. I mean, there has to be conversations and you have to have a lot of honesty and I don't even know you. However, if you're just looking for a quick hookup and you don't care and that's on you. I mean, it's everybody's choice. You do what you think is right or whatever you want to do. Me personally, I'm not really into that. I did explore Craigslist a little bit. I just wasn't comfortable with that. I was in a group for a while of a bunch of people that were in the singles ads. They were in a group on Kick and I met some really cool people in there. They were real fun to talk to and it was fun. I would love to hear from some of you guys, gals, all of the above, what your experiences have been on social media and networking apps. What were your experiences? Do you know of some that are good that I haven't listed? I would guess there are many, many out there and I don't have any clue where I would even start to explore, but hit me up with your suggestions and comments. I would love to hear what you have to say. Next week, we're talking about what it's like to be in a dom-sub relationship and I have a very special guest. I'm bringing my own personal subbie.